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Chapter 1. Over There: Dr. I, and Digging Holes
The light in the room was bright, and the sound around was silent.
“I have never spoken to anyone about this and have kept this secret locked inside my mind. I have not withheld my words out of fear, but because I doubt that others are able to understand me and my particular psychological predicament. They may be sympathetic and supportive, but I'm certain they would lack understanding.”
Hugh stood up straighter, his gaze cutting a path directly in front of him.
“I hope that you can help me, that you can give me your professional assessment and advise me on what to do.” Hugh closed his eyes and took a slow and deliberate deep breath. Upon opening his eyes, he continued speaking, determined to unveil that which he has kept a secret for so long.
“I have… I have hallucinations. When they come unto me, sometimes with the speed of a creeping fog or other times like a bolt of lightning, I see bizarre sights. People morph into mythical creatures; their faces and bodies change as if they were wet clay and shaped by ethereal hands. Animals begin to talk and debate about topics foreign to their understanding. Skeletons reanimate and live as if their fleshy bodies had never died.” Hugh rubbed the two-week-old stubble growing on his chin and continued on with his monologue.
“For a reason that I am unable to comprehend, these theaters of my mind are triggered when I encounter the news. If I read a newspaper, scroll through headlines in my phone, hear someone speaking about a hot button topic, or anything else overlapping with the news, then my mind crafts these hallucinations for me. I don't have an exact answer as to why the news floods my conscious reality with unreal is. That is why I am here, to tell you about my curious condition and accept your professional recommendations.”
Anxiety bubbled and Hugh felt simultaneously hot and cold from the tension of speaking about himself. He found this nervous energy to be both annoying and thrilling. Annoying, in how it reminded him of his lack of courage. Thrilling, in how this was a bodily sensation that he did not get to experience every day.
Hugh peered at the face looking back at him from the bathroom mirror and ran his fingers along the nicks and cuts from that morning's shave. The razor had spared his neck, but his cheeks were peppered with scratches. He had rehearsed his speech dozens and dozens of times over, even as blade met stubble, and the sharp pinches from each minor wound made him wish that he had left himself looking scruffy and unkempt.
Stepping closer to the bathroom sink, Hugh turned on the faucet and choose the tap with cold water. He let the water run and after some time splashed a handful of cold water onto his face, thinking that is what all the heroes do in the movies when they are on the precipice of a challenge. Hugh ran his hands from forehead, tucked his hairs behind his ears, and flicked away the excess water on his fingertips into the sink.
With a quick twist, Hugh switched off the running water and looked down at his watch. It read 2:27 and Hugh knew that it was high time to get back to the waiting room. If the receptionist didn't come knocking on the door to see if he had fallen asleep, then she would certainly be calling Hugh's name any minute now. Furthermore, he was certain that he had been in the bathroom longer than most would deem socially acceptable for a public space.
Hugh flung the bathroom door open and was greeted by a man a wearing a face that looked like it had been carved out of a gnarled tree. This living piece of bark didn’t try to slip past Hugh and enter the bathroom, but instead blocked Hugh’s passage to the waiting room and blasted him with eyes ripe with irritation and contempt.
“I've been waiting to use the toilet for about twenty minutes!” The man growled and puffed his chest out, which made him look even more like an ominous tree. “I was of the mind to start hammering on the door, but I heard you talking and mumbling to yourself, like some crazy person.”
Hugh's face flushed red, and a searing pain of embarrassment swelled in his chest. He didn't want the first person to know about his hallucinations to be someone who had overheard him while in the bathroom.
“Did you hear anything I was talking about?” Hugh's question was a faint whisper but sounded like thunder in his own ears.
“The sound was too muffled to make out anything, but I highly doubt you would have had anything interesting to say anyway. Probably just some insane nonsense.” The tree raised his voice, ignoring Hugh's whisper as a plead for privacy in this matter. “Never mind! Get out of my way. I've waited long enough already, and I need to go!”
The man shouldered his way past Hugh, sending Hugh stumbling sideways off to the side. As Hugh was recovering and righting himself, the bathroom door made a thunderous slam and the lock bolted into place.
Hugh turned to make his way back to the waiting room, but unintelligible grumbles and muffled shouts stalled his steps. Hugh returned to the source of the noise, the bathroom the man had just entered, and brought his ear closer to the door. He couldn't make out a single phrase or word from the man within.
With a sense of relief that the tree had spoken truly, Hugh pivoted and jogged back to the waiting room. He had no desire to invade anyone's privacy nor still be standing there when the tree would exit.
Plus, it was almost time for his appointment, and he didn't want to be late.
Hugh returned to the waiting room just as his watch struck 2:30.
He came to the right place at the right time, but the receptionist seemed to possess a different notion of what constituted the ‘right’ time. She was sitting behind her desk, utilizing her time to shuffle and reshuffle a tall stack of papers that reminded Hugh of a massive deck of cards. He wasn't sure if she was merely trying to make herself look busy in an attempt to ward off patients who wanted to pester her about the start time of their appointment or if this was her last day at work and she wanted to sabotage everyone's medical records.
Whatever the case, minute after minute trickled by and Hugh remained sitting at the right place, but now at the wrong time.
Hugh's watch read 2:47 and the receptionist was now in the process of shredding her finely shuffled stack of documents. Knowing that this would take some time, Hugh resigned himself to study the waiting room.
After a brief inspection of his surroundings Hugh figured that if you've seen one waiting room then you have more or less seen them all. Waiting rooms have their own characteristics that allow them to fall into the taxonomic category of being a waiting room. They are smaller than football stadiums but bigger than prison cells. They have chairs, walls, a water cooler, and a TV which plays movies on mute—making one wonder what sort of comfort a muted TV could provide to someone visiting the doctor.
This particular muted TV was playing an old Western film. Lips moved without sound. Guns fired without any high-pitched twinge, as customary of some Westerns made at that time. All Hugh saw was a soundless scene of a man in black trying to pick up his hat, and nameless gunslinger shooting the hat away from him.
Not being able to understand what the man in black and the gunslinger were saying annoyed Hugh, but it wasn’t as annoying as his seat. The chairs in the waiting room had seat cushions barely more padded than an economy class flight seat, no arm rests, and black metallic frames that not only cradled the cushion, but also rubbed and scraped the outmost parts of the hips. No matter which way Hugh positioned himself in the chair, there seemed to be no way to become comfortable. Even if he had a PhD in advanced Engineering and Physics, Hugh still wouldn’t be able to calculate the optimal sitting position to alleviate his discomfort.
Hugh had a sneaking suspicion that the designer of these chairs secretly visited waiting rooms like this one in order to observe people sitting in his creations. This architect of discomfort and annoyance would sit silently, his thoughts unknowable to others, and get pleasure from patients’ attempts to solve the unsolvable conundrum of how to become comfortable in these chairs.
Hugh squirmed a bit more in his torture device of a chair and looked around. There weren’t too many people alongside him in this indefinite state of waiting. There was a couple, quietly arguing about where to eat after their appointment. A young girl was sitting and reading a book, whose cover depicted a black spaniel wearing a detective hat and coat. Behind the spaniel stood an extraordinarily large red chalice surrounded by menacing and clocked figures brandishing jewel encrusted daggers.
Something more curious than the cover of the girl’s book was that Hugh could not locate the grumpy man from the earlier bathroom encounter. If he had left the doctor’s office then Hugh would have seen him cut through the waiting room. Since Hugh hadn’t seen him, Hugh estimated that the grumpy man had been in the bathroom for well over twenty minutes.
Hugh thought about marching back to the bathroom and giving the grumpy man a taste of his own medicine when he finally opened up the bathroom door. Hugh’s revenge fantasy was cut short when the anticipated and fated moment came to pass.
The receptionist was calling his name.
“Mr. Mekta! Mr. Mekta! Please come to reception desk,” the receptionist was yelling and Hugh could hear a grating frustration in her voice saying that she had been the one waiting for the last twenty plus minutes for Hugh to make his presence at the desk.
Hugh approached the desk, glad to be out of the indefinite state of waiting and out of that horrendous chair.
“I’m Hugh. But, pardon me, my name is not Mekta, it’s Mechta.” Hugh tried to sound polite, not wanting to offend the reception and be sent back to the waiting area as vengeance for said offense. “The 'ch’ in my last name is pronounced like the 'ch’ in 'cheese,' 'cheap,' and 'chicken’.”
The receptionist placed a meticulously manicured nail on his name in the file. She read it over and rolled her eyes at what was written there.
“I’ll make a note of the spelling and pronunciation in your file.” The receptionist said but didn’t make any notes in any file.
“The doctor is waiting for you in room 27.” The receptionist continued. “Please go over there,” she lethargically pointed a nail at an indeterminate position behind her, “and then turn there.”
Hugh peered around the receptionist to see where 'over there’ was. He could see a hallway with four branching corridors.
“Pardon me,” Hugh said, “but what do you mean by ‘over there?’
“What do you mean?” She replied curtly, her lazy demeanor had changed to one that had just been offended. “I’ve just told you where to go.”
She spun around on her chair, extended her arm out at full length, and made various quick movements with the tip of her long nail.
“Go over there, and then turn there.” The receptionist said.
Hugh responded to her attempt at precise directions with a dumfounded expression. Behind this dumbstruck look, Hugh was making the mental calculations of whether it would be advantageous to ask her to elaborate on her directions. After triple checking the results of his mental computations, Hugh decided to hold his tongue.
He simply thanked the receptionist and headed ‘over there.’
Hugh walked down the hallway and past the first two adjourning corridors. He felt relief that the room numbers were descending from one hundred and that all that he needed to do was to go to the end of the hallway and see which adorning corridor led to the twenties.
As Hugh approached the end of the hallway, he could hear the receptionist shouting from behind him.
“Mr. Mekta! Mr. Mekta! I told you already, please go over there! You are going the wrong way! Turn back and turn over there!” The receptionist shouted and tore a piece of a paper, which Hugh hoped wasn't his file, in two.
“Do I go over there?” Hugh called back and shifted his gaze from the reddening face of the receptionist and pointed to the rightmost corridor that he had passed.
“No, to the other one!” the reception cried and tore a small stack of papers, that had magically appeared in her hands, in half.
Hugh walked back towards the two corridors and pointed at the one on his left.
“Yes, Mr. Mekta! That is what I have been telling you this entire time! Don't keep the doctor waiting!” The receptionist threw herself down on her chair with a thumb loud enough to be heard by Hugh down the hallway.
Hugh turned ‘over there' and pondered whether the receptionist's outburst was in part to sitting on a chair crafted by the architect of discomfort.
Hugh entered room 27 and no one was there.
Hugh was both relieved and agitated. Relieved that he hadn't kept the doctor waiting. Agitated that he was forced to play the waiting game again.
Hugh sat down again, but this time straddling the edge of the chair like a trapeze artist on a tightrope. He tried to embody this performer's balance, poise, and grace as he sat along the thin line of comfort and falling off the chair. Unlike the trapeze artist, who plays the game of life and death while performing in air, Hugh continued to play the most irritating game of them all—the waiting game.
Hugh always thought of himself as a person who fell into the laid-back category. There were only a few things that he really disliked; things like pickles, store assistants who swarm you upon entering a store, ice covered sidewalks in the winter, and shoes that grip your toes too tightly. None of these things, however, compared to how much he disliked waiting.
It wasn't all forms of waiting that he disliked. He was fine with waiting for the bus, the metro, or for a barista to brew his coffee. Tension would wrap around chest whenever he had to wait without knowing when the result of his waiting would come to fruition. Hugh always assumed that this was because such situations stole away his ability to control the situation and choose how to act in a given situation. When waiting, he felt that he was being forced to choose without having any alternatives of choice.
The waiting game, and the absence of autonomy, was cut short as the doctor walked in with a clipboard in hand.
The doctor’s fingers were flipping through the clipboard’s sheets with such speed and precision that made Hugh think that his doctor must have been a high-ranking bureaucrat in another life. Hugh was also surprised at how many sheets there were, for he hadn’t been to the doctor in quite some time. How could the doctor have so much medical information on him without Hugh ever coming for regular visits?
“Good day Mr. Mechta. My name is Doctor Carni.” The doctor said, still dexterously flipping through the sheets on the clipboard.
Hugh watched as the sheets swished on the clipboard and a sudden realization dawned on Hugh – he was finally going to talk to someone about his hallucinations. Adrenaline filled him and he felt an inner giddiness at the prospect of revealing his inner most self and receiving feedback from a medical professional.
Hugh was ready to speak.
“Good day to you too doctor,” Hugh said and stood up from his trapeze artist’s chair. “I want to talk to you today about my unusual condition —"
“One moment Mr. Mechta.” The doctor cut through Hugh’s words like a newly sharpened knife through paper. “I see here that you haven’t been in for a medical examination in,” Dr. Carne flipped through the pages on his clipboard once again, sheets of paper moving like they lived in fear of the doctor’s fingertips, “quite some time. We need to take your biometrics.” Dr. Carni flashed a teethy smile that could be taken as either reassuring or condescending. “Height, weight, blood pressure.”
“Is all that really necessary?” Hugh asked, confused by the doctors demands. He had been expecting to discuss his inner self, not fret over his external self. “Aren’t height measurements only for children who are physically developing?”
“All of this is standard practice, Mr. Mechta,” the doctor replied. “You haven’t been here for a while and we merely want to document your biometrics, for when you return. Pertaining to your height, we want to make sure that your tiny frame isn’t shrinking.”
Hugh was a bit taken aback by the word 'tiny.' He was not tall, but he always imagined himself as fitting in the medium category on the height spectrum. He wasn’t sure if the doctor used that particular word in order to be derogatory or if he made the wrong word choice by accident.
The doctor led Hugh to a scale in the corner of the room. It was like the scales that the doctors had used when he had been a child. There was a tiny pedestal to stand on and a metal bar with a sliding apparatus that could be adjusted to determine someone’s weight. There was also a measuring stick that could be extended vertically and placed atop the patient’s head to get a height measurement.
Hugh felt uncomfortable reliving his childhood experiences at the doctors, but he followed the orders of Dr. Carni’s beckoning hand to proceed. Hugh stepped on the scale and the metal bar sharply tipped downwards with a loud crash of metal on metal. Dr. Carni ignored weighing Hugh for now and his hand darted right for the measuring sticking. He extended it above Hugh and rested it on his head.
“One hundred sixty-five centimeters,” Dr. Carni remarked and started to scribble in the file. Hugh peeked from the corner of his eye and the doctor’s pen appeared to move in a manner more appropriate for drawing shapes than writing numbers. “Not bad, but I don’t think that you will ever play professional basketball. It must be a bit frustrating trying to grab food from the top shelf in the grocery shop, yeah?”
“Pardon me, Doctor,” Hugh said, perplexed by Dr. Carni’s remarks, “but how are my chances of playing professional basketball and the height of shelves in shops medically relevant?”
“They are not relevant in the slightest,” the doctor said with an expression showing nothing other than pure professionalism, “I’m just speaking out loud. Please, don’t mind me. Let’s now check your weight.”
The doctor’s hand darted again, but this time to the mechanisms that measure weight. Hugh was surprised by the speed of the doctor’s hands, guessing that he may play some sport that required lightning quick reflexes.
Hugh averted his eyes from the numbers on the scale, having had never been fond of knowing his own weight. Looking up at a calendar that depicted a sunrise shining over a botanical garden, Hugh could hear the clinks, clunks and scrapes of metal on metal as Dr. Carni worked with precision to get the weight down to the exact gram.
The sounds of metallic mechanisms moving against one another brought back emotions from Hugh’s childhood. He had been terrified of doctors reading aloud his weight because Hugh had been a very overweight child. The numbers that the doctors would utter pained him just as much as the children at school teasing him, calling him names, and even throwing batteries at him due to his robust size. As the numbers on the scale grew, Hugh had felt that the probability of abuse from classmates would increase, and as the numbers decreased the likelier it was they would ignore him. Every time he had stepped on the scale was like being at a fortune teller forecasting future events.
Even though Hugh had trimmed down in his adulthood, he still harbored unease towards scales and their numeric representation of his body weight.
The sounds of metal against metal disappeared and was replaced with the sound of pen against paper. Once more Hugh stole a glance at the clipboard and Dr. Carni’s pen strokes looked too long and oblong for writing numbers and letters. Hugh couldn’t help but imagine that the doctor was drawing a doodle of Hugh standing on the scale.
“Well, Mr. Mechta, this is quite disappointing…” Dr. Carni said and made a series clicking sounds with his tongue against the back of his teeth. “I must say that you could stand to lose a bit of weight.”
“Pardon me?” Hugh responded curtly, shocked by Dr. Carni’s words.
“Well, Mr. Mectha, you are in adequate shape, nothing to worry that much about. I’m just saying that you could maybe hit the gym more often. You know, to burn off some of that extra fat.”
Dr. Carni’s usage of 'nothing to worry about,' 'I’m just saying,’ ‘you know,’ and even the adjective ‘adequate’ perturbed Hugh. He felt that the doctor was attacking him with a dagger and using these phrases to cloak his sadistic verbal thrusts.
“I really don’t like your phrasing doctor.” Hugh said and stepped off the scale. “I know that I am not a muscular movie star, but the way you are speaking is quite demeaning.”
“As I said before,” the doctor replied and waved a dismissive hand, “don’t mind me. I’m just speaking out loud.”
“But you are the doctor,” Hugh said as he tried to remain calm and move the conversation in line with logical reasoning, “You should be giving me professional consultation, not speaking your mind as if you were at a social gather —”
“Please don’t be so sensitive.” Dr. Carni said. “Let us take your blood pressure and then we can talk about why you have visited today, does that sound good?”
Hugh took a deep breath and stole a look at his watch. They have been spending too much time on these routine procedures, which Hugh was suspecting weren’t necessary.
“Let’s move on.” Hugh said, giving the doctor the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was being too sensitive to the doctor’s words.
“Wonderful!” The doctor’s intonation hit a crescendo that may not have been intended. “Come over to this chair and I’ll take your blood pressure and then we will be all done with your biometrics.”
Hugh mentally sighed at the fact of having to return to the torture chair, but he did as the doctor ordered.
“Relax and roll up your sleeve.” Dr. Carni said and took the blood pressure measuring device from an adjacent drawer. “I’m going to wrap this sphygmomanometer around your bicep… Do you know what a sphygmomanometer is, Mr. Mechta?” The doctor gave a curt giggle. “Can you even pronounce it?”
“I imagine that it is the instrument that you are holding right now and will be using to measure my blood pressure. As for your second question, no I cannot pronounce it because that word is not in my daily lexicon.”
“That’s a pity, Mr. Mechta.”
The doctor fastened the cuff around Hugh’s arm, jammed the stethoscope in place and started to squeeze the pump. Hugh felt the pressure build around his arm, limiting the circulation of blood to his fingertips.
Hugh noticed that the doctor forgot his clipboard and pen next to the scale, on the other side of the room.
“I see,” the doctor mused, “just like your weight, not that bad. A bit low. I bet you get woozy and almost faint after a hot shower. Perhaps you get lightheaded when you stand up too quickly, holding onto the armrest as the world spins around you.” The doctor laughed out loud and continued. “I admit, I made that joke with full intent. I couldn't help myself! Funny, don't you think?”
Hugh instantly shot up from his chair and ripped off the sphygmomanometer.
“That's enough Mr. Carnie!” Hugh didn't call him ‘doctor’ for he felt that Mr. Carni had stepped over the boundaries that demarked proper professionalism.
“Whatever do you mean? I told you not to mind my words, as I sometimes speak aloud.” The doctor replied, holding his hands up in a defensive position. “I feel that you are overreacting.”
“I didn't come here to be belittled or be subjected to your underhanded jokes.” Hugh shot back with anger visible on his face and disdain in his voice. “Imagine if I had made such remarks towards you! You know what? I think I shall!”
Dr. Carni stood there, arms crossed, and Hugh wasn't even sure that he was listening to him. His face was that of someone lost in a daydream.
Hugh didn't care, he proceeded with his speech.
“I could say to you—look at that big belly of yours! Be careful so as to not knock all those expensive prescription drugs, which I'm sure line your pockets for a fancy holiday, off the table when you turn around to pick up the clipboard you forgot over there! I could also mention that thinning head of hair you have. Look at it! It's so thin that even a family of sparrows desperate for housing in the winter would avoid it!”
Hugh's pulse was racing, and he felt that time had dilated. He had never lashed out at someone like this before. He felt embarrassed of himself, but also proud of himself for standing up to the doctor.
The doctor's arms did not unfold, nor did he move a single muscle in his body, but it was becoming evident to Hugh that the doctor had been listening to every one of his words. Hugh's embarrassment and pride shifted to fear as the doctor's face started to reconfigure itself. Dr. Carni's mouth and eyebrows twisted, bent, and curled to morph his visage into an expression that conveyed something hovering between murderous and ecstatic.
“Mr. Mechta! Your words are slanderous, defamatory, cruel and just plain hurtful!” Dr. Carni roared through warped and undulating lips. “I am offended by your insensitivity and lack of manners! I must ask you to leave at this very instant!”
Hugh didn't require any persuasion. He made straight for the door but stayed his hand on the doorknob, seeing that Dr. Carni's clipboard was within reach. In one bound, Hugh took the clipboard in hand and flipped through his files and notes on his biometrics. Hugh didn't search for long because the files were not files at all, but blank sheets littered with weaving spirals and wavy concentric circles.
Hugh threw the clipboard at Dr. Carni's feet and left the room. He vowed never to go ‘over there' again.
The next morning Hugh called another doctor's office and scheduled an appointment.
To his astonishment he was offered an appointment for not only the same day but in a few hours from his phone call. He accepted the offer without hesitation, glad that he would be able to put his experience with Dr. Carni behind him.
Hugh arrived at the doctor's office, and everything went smoothly. He didn't even have time to inspect the layout of the waiting room, the movie being played on the muted television, or whether the architect of crippling chairs had distributed his wears to this clinic. Upon walking into the office, the receptionist greeted him with a professional smile and beckoned him to her desk.
“Mr. Hugh Mechta, the doctor is waiting for you in room 27.” The receptionist said just as Hugh stopped at her desk. “Please go down this corridor. You will pass a painting of a black Spaniel, and room 27 will be directly on your left.”
Hugh was astonished by how quickly everything was moving, from the same day appointment to being directed to doctor without a second of waiting. He had no desire to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he thanked the receptionist and asked no further questions. He set off down the corridor in search of the painting and his assigned room.
Hugh opened the door, and the doctor was seated, waiting for him. He was a pristine looking older man with everything in white. His coat, pants, shoes and even his facial hair were white. His mustache and goatee were the most surprising, for they were atypical for a doctor. His mustache was big and bushy, but the ends were tied with wax and pointed upwards. His goatee wasn't connected to the mustache at all but sat on his chin like a bright white pointy pillow.
“Hello Mr. Mectha. I'm Dr. Zelv.” The doctor said and gave Hugh a firm handshake. “I'm very glad to see you today.”
“Hello doctor,” Hugh replied, “I'm glad to be here. How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing very well. I plan on taking a vacation next week,” the doctor put on a big smile and his face took on the shape of a schoolboy who had been speaking a new toy or game, “so I’m quite looking forward to that. I’m going to a very interesting place.”
Hugh waited for Dr. Zelv to proceed further and describe his vacation destination, but the doctor just sat there and stroked his beard into a sharper angle. Only after a few seconds of silence was Hugh hit with the notion that the doctor was expecting a follow up question.
“Oh really?” Hugh said after putting on his most interested face. “Where are you planning on going?”
Dr. Zelv’s answer exploded forth with the force of a stallion that had heard a gunshot at the starting line of a race.
“Thank you so much for asking, Mr. Mectha!” Dr. Zelv said and clasped his hands together in what Hugh thought to be feigned gratitude or an attempt to bridle his emotions. “I’ve purchased a premium exclusive luxury all-inclusive beach resort holiday. I know that it was expensive, but I’d decided to treat myself. I plan on surfing, lounging in the sun, and getting complimentary massages that come with the resort package. I haven’t had a massage in quite some time, maybe a month or two, so I’m looking forward to it.”
The doctor was speaking as if he were only permitted one breath of oxygen to provide an answer with. The speed of his speech reminded Hugh of when he himself would give speeches in grade school, full of anxiety and fear of public speaking.
“The hotel also provides an all you can eat buffet.” Dr. Zelva continued, seemingly still on solitary breath. “So, I'll eat a lot, then I'll exercise, then I'll eat some more! There is even the opportunity to go horseback riding on the beach, I'm quite excited about that! I have never ridden a horse before, so I think the experience will be exhilarating!”
Dr. Zelv paused and Hugh could see quick heaves in the doctor's chest as he tried to catch his breath. The color was also returning to his face that had turned almost as white as his facial hair.
It also occurred to Hugh that the doctor was fond of using the pronoun ‘I.’ Hidden within his thoughts, Hugh couldn’t help but dub Dr. Zelv as Dr. I.
“I'm sure it will be a fine vacation doctor,” Hugh said, keeping his previous observation to himself, “but where is this resort?”
“I'm sure you have never heard of the place,” Dr. I replied and resumed running his fingers through his goatee, “it's in a small costal city called Yanamire.”
“Really!” Hugh responded with genuine surprise. “When I was a student I studied there for two semesters. I had such a lovely time there.”
“That's all very interesting Mr. Mechta,” Dr. I said and started to stroke his mustache in tandem with the rest of his facial hair, “maybe we can chat about your internship, or whatever it was, at a later date. Now, it's time for my little chick to start his medical examination.”
Silence returned to inhabit the space between them yet again. This time it hung on the phrase ‘little chick.’ The way the doctor looked at Hugh, and how he continued to fondle his mustache and goatee, told him that the doctor had used this combination of words on purpose.
The doctor continued to stroke and wait and stroke and wait. It was obvious that the next step in this interaction was Hugh asking for clarification on the oddly chosen duo of words.
“I don't think I've ever heard a doctor describe a patient as a ‘little chick’ before. What did you mean by that?” Hugh asked, sensing that Dr. I would have stared and ran his fingers through his beard until Hugh had capitulated.
“Well, Mr. Mectha,” Dr. I let out a deep laugh and tore his hands away from his face, “I have a philosophy, or more like a mental framework, for how I picture my patients. You see, I imagine them as baby chicks riding along on a conveyer belt. I work in the factory in which this conveyer belt functions. My job is to inspect, analyze, and prod each of those baby chicks to see if they are strong, healthy and in good shape. If they are not up to snuff then I pluck them from the conveyer belt and send them somewhere where they can receive better treatment.”
The doctor leaned back on his counter, folded his arms and an air of smugness wafted from him.
“It's a great way to visualize one's patients, don't you agree?” Dr. I added and gave his goatee a few pets over.
Hugh found a chair opposite of the doctor and sat down. He wasn't sure if wanted to scream in horror at the i the doctor presented to him or laugh at the absurdity of the doctor's confidence in such a framework for understanding his patients.
“To be honest, I don't really like it.” Hugh started, wanting to both challenge Dr. I's framework and to cease the doctor’s over compulsion for touching his beard when expecting a response from Hugh. “It brings up a lot of strange questions. These chicks of yours on the conveyor belt, where are they going in the first place? I just have this mental iry of them being sent off to be pounded into chicken nuggets. On top of that, what happens to the ones you pull from the conveyer belt? Will they be rehabilitated and then chucked right back to their doomed future of becoming chicken nuggets? Seems like it's better to be pulled off the conveyer belt during your inspection, for it gives the baby chick a few more moments of non-nugget existence.” Hugh leaned forward in the chair, rested his elbows on his thighs and continued his train of thought. “Furthermore, I really don't like to think of myself as this baby chick, which you describe. It sounds as if I am caught up in a giant machine within an even larger factory that cares not for me as an individual but only insofar as I pass a test and become something that can be useful, sold, and bought. It makes me think that your metaphor for your patients is more so a metaphor for life, that we are all destined to die within a larger system and become metaphorical chicken nuggets. I don't think that I'm this metaphorical baby chick or future metaphorical nugget. Neither do I think that people are like this. Frankly speaking Doctor, this framework of yours is a bit jarring.”
Dr. I pushed himself away from the counter, collected his clipboard with notes and approached Hugh. No signs of offense or anger were present on his face, unlike Hugh's previous interaction with Dr. Carni. Dr. I's eyebrows and mouth seemed to obey the commands of the brain.
“Well, Mr. Mechta, I like my metaphor. It's simple, elegant, and concise. I find it to be akin to Newton's laws of gravity or Heidegger's writings on existentialism.”
“I think we should move onto why I came here today.” Hugh said, not wanting to debate the topics of physics, philosophy, and baby chicks. “Before we start, do you need to take my biometrics, like my height?”
“Your height?” The doctor laughed. “Are you expecting a growth spurt sometime soon, Mr. Mechta?”
“Nope, I have fortunately passed that stage of my life.” Hugh gave the doctor a smile, restraining himself from taking a detour in their conversation and detailing his experience with Dr. I.
“Then I believe we can just skip right to the reason you are visiting today.” Dr. I said.
Hugh took a deep breath and got right to the point.
“I have hallucinations. Believe it or not, they are triggered only when I come in contact with the news. When people are speaking about the news they turn into fantastical creatures and beasts. When I hold a newspaper the ink drips with poison, seeps onto my hands and sears my skin. Dogs start to talk, the sun becomes sentient, and the world around blends into an unreality.”
Hugh sat back in his chair and was surprised at how easy it was to speak about his hallucinations.
Hugh decided to continue with his monologue.
“Even though my hallucinations and reality overlap with one another, I'm able to distinguish what is and what is not fiction. If a cat stands up on his two legs, pulls out a soap box, leaps onto it, waves around a crusty old walking stick and starts to criticize the news on how they are fear mongers, I have no doubt that this cat is a projection of my mind.”
“Mr. Mechta, if I'm correct, you haven't spoken to anyone about this before.” Dr. I said after half a minute of silence and contemplative mustache rubbing. “Why have you decided now, of all times, to seek professional assessment?”
Hugh wrinkled up his nose and traced his finger across the bridge. His nose was a tad crooked, but he had never seen that as a flaw. It was a part of him and made him who he was. The hallucinations, on the other hand, Hugh found harder to not view as flaws because everyone had a nose, but not everyone had hallucinations.
With that thought in mind, Hugh proceeded to answer the doctor's question.
“I've chosen to speak to someone about this because I have a burning desire to know why this is happening. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't mean neurologically, but as a person, as a member of society. Am I a broken baby chick or does my curious condition reveal something special about me?”
Hugh was confused about his emotions. He wasn't sure if he felt proud and strong for speaking about his inner self. He felt that he had spoken about it confidently. On the other hand, he also felt vulnerable for exposing himself. So, should he feel confident, vulnerable, a concoction of both? Or something else altogether?
Hugh brought his hands to his face and rubbed where a mustache and goatee would have been if he had ever decided to grow one. He knew that he'd have to wait for the doctor's response to get a better sense of how he should feel about what he had just said.
And wait Hugh did, because the doctor spent about five minutes rubbing, massaging, caressing, and twirling his facial hair in silence. Every time Hugh opened his mouth to speak the doctor held up his hand, signaling Hugh to remain silent and not to break his train of thought. It seemed like the doctor was processing all the information that Hugh provided him with and was waiting to download a response from some external server that would tell him how to respond.
The doctor's answer was not one that Hugh expected, and evoked disappointment more than anything else.
“Mr. Mechta,” Dr. I said with a deep exhale, “I find you to remarkable baby chick. With that said, I cannot help you personally, but I can pluck you off the conveyer belt and ship you off to someone who can. I'll jot down some contacts, who specialize in neurology, and you can schedule an appointment with them.”
The doctor wrote down his mentioned contacts and tore out the sheet of paper from his clipboard.
“Doctor, I know that there are different medical specializations, and you may not specialize in people who have hallucinations, but can you give me some feedback based on your own medical training?” Hugh asked, glad that Dr. I could refer him to some other specialists, but still wanting the doctor’s take because he was the first-person Hugh had opened up to about his hallucinations. “Other than me being a ‘remarkable baby chick.’”
“No. I cannot.” Dr. I said curtly as he folded up the paper and passed it to Hugh.
Hugh tucked the paper away into his breast pocket and gave it a reassuring tap even though he knew there was no way it could fall out.
“That seems to conclude our appointment Mr. Mechta.” Dr. I said. Hugh half expected him to starting playing with facial hair again, but he didn't. All he did was give a shrug. “My next patient won't be here for a while, maybe you would like to stay a little longer? We can chat more about my vacation if you'd like.”
Hugh stood straight up from his chair, eager not to fall into the trap of a one-sided conversation, and fumbled out a fib that needed to care for his niece and tend to his garden.
Dr. I brushed his goatee and gave Hugh a dubious look that said that he hadn't believed one word about the niece nor the garden. Not wanting to test to what extent the doctor had believed him, Hugh expressed his thanks for the list of references and hurried out of the room before Dr. I's hand could transition back to mustache twirling.
Hugh cut through the empty lobby and out into the street, wondering when the next patient would arrive.
Hugh got in and off the metro. During the entire journey home, his thoughts were focused on the iry of himself as a chirping little bird riding the convey belt of destiny to a grim nugget ending.
Although the doctor had used this framework as a medical tool for understanding patients, Hugh couldn't help but extrapolate it and see it as a metaphor for contemporary society. Was everyone just coasting on the conveyer belt of life to a meaningless doom? Were they all just hapless riders, oblivious to the void at the end of the tunnel, whose only reprieve on the track towards death depended on the whim of an omnipotent hand that would scoop them away, only to return them to a fate which everyone must face?
Dr. I's framework left Hugh with a sense of dark unease, that in the very end, there is only death.
Scenes of chicken nuggets fled Hugh's mind once he exited the metro. The bright rays of the sun shined down on him and the warmth coming from overhead tickled his skin with tiny reminders that he had yet to inspect the list of contacts in his pocket.
Hugh slid the folded piece of paper out of his pocket and had a sense of joy at who he would call and who he would continue his voyage with next. He felt himself on a sort of hero's journey, one in which the ending would see him having a better understanding of himself and why he had hallucinations.
The warmth from the sun intensified and Hugh could feel the heat spreading from his wrists to his fingertips. His fingers started to grow hot from the sun’s rays. It was as if the sun was simultaneously urging Hugh on and trying to catch a glance of the names etched on the paper.
Hugh unfolded the paper and disappointment unfolded from within his heart…
Hugh had heard the idiom ‘chicken scratch' used to describe someone's handwriting. The notes by Dr. I exemplified that idiom and then some, for the notes were unreadable. It looked as if a three-year-old child had taken a pen and tried to practice writing cursive after he or she had watched a cartoon character do it on TV.
Hugh tried to decode the phone numbers in the mess of Dr. I's handwriting but only the numbers 2 and 7 were printed clearly. Deep in the chaos of curved lines that made up the letters in the names, he was only able to make out a handful of them. He wasn't sure if his mind were playing tricks on him or if he were straining his eyes too much in the vain attempt to read the words, but the only legible letters spelled out ‘chicken nugget.’
If anyone were watching him in the beginning of this affair and wondering why someone would stop outside the metro to open up a piece of paper, instead of just heading home, then they would be struck with even more wonder as they saw him toss the paper into the air and let it float down onto the sidewalk.
If anyone were to pick up the paper and read it, Hugh was sure they would do the same as he had – they would throw those incomprehensible notes to the wind.
Hugh let the paper sail to the pavement, crossed the busy road, and headed off home.
The sight of his building relaxed him and cleansed the disappointment that had accompanied reading Dr. I's note.
He loved the apartment complex in which he lived. It reminded him of an old fortress that one could read about in a military fantasy novel. Of course, the building lacked the wear and tear of battle, but it still gave Hugh the impression he was living in a fortress. The sides of the building were eight stories tall and stood in the formation of a long rectangle cut in half horizontally. In place of the severed rectangular was a lengthy and high red brick wall that spanned from one wing of the rectangle to the other. Inside this truncated rectangle brick wall combination sat a courtyard that housed a playground for children and circular sitting area decorated with flowers and benches.
One could not enter their apartment outside of this fortress because there were no doors or entrances on the outer walls. To enter the stairway to your apartment required going through the courtyard. This is what Hugh liked the most, for the way you would enter the fortress walls, to gain access to your apartment, was through a series of archways that peppered the walls. Hugh always enjoyed walking through the archways because it made him feel like he was returning to a secure and protected castle. Since the courtyard was directly in the center he was always able to see the people who lived alongside him in the complex, either sitting on the benches chatting, tidying up the flowers in the garden, or playing with their children on the playground.
The building looked like a fortress, but it lacked the militancy and aggression that always comes with these institutions in stories, novels, and history. There were no generals screaming orders, but rather children shouting with glee. There were no weapons being fired, just bottles being dropped into bins. Soldiers didn't stand at attention, just flowers stretching up towards the sun.
Perhaps it was this juxtaposition of the fortress-like style of the building and the gentler tone of life held within that impressed upon Hugh the most. He felt like the building was hugging and protecting the courtyard while providing a secure space for people to live their lives.
Hugh felt secure crossing through one of the arches and moving into the courtyard, but he also felt the distinct grumbles, rumbles, and pangs in his stomach that told that he hadn't eaten for quite some time. He decided to put off going back home just yet and crossed to the northeastern edge of the courtyard. He existed the fortress through another one of its various arches and headed for a nearby café.
The walk to the café was quick and brisk, for it wasn't too far away. That was another benefit of living in the fortress, it was close to many different shops and cafés.
Hugh came into the café, eager to scrutinize the day's selection of food hiding behind protective glass. The hot food on offer for the day was quite banal—mashed potatoes, fried steaks, green beans, soups, some malformed looking chicken, and other assortments of dishes. None of these pricked nor tickled Hugh's interest too much and some choices even gave Hugh premonitions of future indigestion. In the end, he chose a prepacked sandwich to go along with a coffee.
Hugh made his way to the window and even before he had a chance to sip his coffee and unpack his sandwich two women occupied the seats at the table right next to his own. Hugh peered around the café and could see open tables and chairs from corner to corner. The table which these women had chosen was so close to Hugh's own that if anyone walked into the café and observed them, they would have thought that Hugh and the two women were dinning together.
Hugh let out a few coughs without covering his mouth with the hope that his lack of social etiquette would cause them to change tables. The women didn't even pass Hugh a glimpse. He blew his nose into a napkin, but even this they didn't notice at all.
Hugh was of the mind to scoop up his coffee and sandwich and relocate to the other side of the café but he found himself not the master of his own body and was unable to will himself to stand up. The women's conversation had a hold on him and was pulling on his attention like gravity to a rock tumbling down hill.
They were discussing the news and Hugh knew what was sure to come. He inhaled, took a sip of his coffee, and waited for it all to unravel.
The first woman, with curly blonde hair that bounced around her smooth and doll-like face, was stating her position that some young man who had been arrested shouldn't be held accountable for his actions.
“The police are obviously vile and hideous creatures! They simply want to exert their power over everyone!” She tossed her hair back away from her eyes, as if this added weight to her statement. “I've watched the news and seen the clips, the man was doing nothing. The police just grabbed him and threw him to the floor. They branded him a criminal on sight!”
The second woman was a polar opposite to the first. Her face was neither round nor smooth. Her nose, chin, cheeks, forehead and even her lips were all made up of sharp lines and angles. It was like looking at a representation of a fractal in human form. While the first woman had curly blonde hair that bobbed around as she talked, the second had close cropped hair that would only see movement after a few months of growth.
The second woman moved to retort.
“You watch all these clips on TV, but they never show you the full story! This man, who you are making out to be an innocent baby sheep, robbed someone at gunpoint beforehand. People who were there took videos and posted them online. It clearly shows he was being a hooligan beforehand. The police were acting correctly in light of the man's criminal actions.”
“You know what,” the doll faced woman leaned forward with her elbows on the table and raised an eyebrow to her interlocutor and said, “I think you are teensy-weensy bit of a police state loving fascist.”
The second woman sat up straighter, pricked by her counterpart's comment.
“What does that have to do with anything?” The second woman questioned. “I'm talking about how you can't just believe what the TV shows you and that you have to dig deeper —"
Without any warning the doll faced woman's head exploded with the force of a hand grenade detonation.
Her torso smacked against the table and the stump that was her neck oozed and seeped not blood and gore, but a green liquid and scaly skin. The trickling of reptilian flesh and green fluid across the table didn't last for more than a few heartbeats, for reality rewound itself. The explosion played itself in reverse and all the fleshy matter and boney bits flowing across the table and dripping onto the floor returned to their point of origin – to the doll woman's face. Upon returning to the past, the doll face woman was alive and well, but her head had been replaced with that of a dragon.
Hugh turned his attention to the fractal faced woman only to see that she had undergone a change of her own. She had transformed in prickly porcupine with hundreds upon hundreds of needles dangling from forehead to shoulders.
Hugh was used to these sorts of situations because he had been having hallucinations since his late childhood. In his adulthood he would sit back and observe his hallucinations like an anthropologist who had been stationed on an alien planet to do research on indigenous customs. Other times the hallucinations wouldn't involve being a mere spectator. Quite often the constructs of his mind would engage him in conversations and partake in activities with him. One time Hugh had hallucinated an elephant that fancied playing badminton and demanded a peanut for every point it had scored.
Luckily, the dragon and porcupine had no interest in playing games with Hugh.
The dragon raked her talons across the table and left wide fissures in the tabletop. She bellowed gray puffy plumes through her nose that filled the air above their heads with curls of dirty smoke. She brandished hungry carnivorous teeth and roared at the porcupine who had been sitting there and watching her interlocutor with a concentrated and pinpoint stare.
The dragon spat out a final column of smoke, tapped her talons on the table, and waited for the porcupine's reply.
The porcupine responded with neither shrieks nor squeaks but with a silent dance of hip swaying, head bobbing, torso gyrating, and shoulder shuffling. Each movement was precisely performed to send just the right amount of vibration through her needles. Hugh could see that the dragon's pupils were oscillating at high speeds back and forth to follow the messages sent not from the dance moves themselves, but from the vibrations of the needles.
The porcupine gave a final shake of her spines and turned her dark bulging and beady eyes towards Hugh.
“What in the world are you staring at?” The porcupine asked and sent her needles into a gesticulating frenzy.
Hugh felt himself a timed mouse because in the blink of an eye the dragon and porcupine were no more. In their place, staring back at him with bewildered looks, were the doll faced and fractal faced women.
“I apologize,” Hugh muttered and threw his sight on his coffee and sandwich, “I was just lost in thought.”
After a few raised eyebrows and a huff from the doll faced woman, the women shrugged and dug back into their food.
Hugh kept his gaze on his food, wanting to avoid any curious glances from the former dragon and porcupine, and realized that he had yet to touch his sandwich. He gripped the edges of the plastic wrapper, readying to tear it open, but put the sandwich down instantly after reading the label. It was a chicken sandwich.
He recalled Dr. I's baby chick framework and was overcome with pity for the chicken in the sandwich, a chicken who probably had been riding along a conveyer belt at one time. Hugh imagined the chicken chirping and flapping its wings alongside avian acquaintances, not knowing that it was on a ride that would transport it in slices to Hugh's hands.
Hugh put the sandwich down, feeling incredibly sad for chicken that had been born, raised, and fed just to end up between bread for a few minutes of consumption. Hugh was neither a vegetarian nor a vegan, but he saw a microcosm of himself in the wrapped sandwich before him. Hugh closed his eyes and told himself that he wasn't a baby chick on the conveyer belt of life, and that he wouldn't one day become a chicken nugget nor a piece of meat in a sandwich.
Hugh scooped up his sandwich and coffee, politely asked the former porcupine and dragon for space to scoot past their table, and went back to the cashier.
He exchanged his sandwich for a simple vegetable salad.
Hugh entered the fortress and passed the playground on his way to home.
Hugh watched as the children zipped down slides, built sandcastles, kicked the sky on swings, and called out to their parents to witness it all. This scene of children at play reminded Hugh of his childhood and sent a shiver down his spine. He wanted to recollect his childhood with nostalgia and yearning but all he could conjure were sensations bitter and sour.
Father dead and mother absent. Always alone and heart in solitude.
Hugh inhaled a few deep breaths to cleanse his emotions and tried to focus on the supersonic screams of children stampeding behind the playground's fence. The past was the past and he wanted to get home and try to find another doctor to call.
Hugh shook off the negative feelings, rounded the playground and stepped onto the path that led past the flowerbed and to his entranceway.
Walking down the path, Hugh noticed a young girl, about eleven or twelve, sitting alone in the flowerbed. He found it strange that she was here in the flowerbed while all the other children were dashing around the playground. Hugh had also never seen this girl before in the neighborhood. If he had then he would have remembered her because her hair was so black that it devoured the light from the sun.
Hugh considered that she may be a new neighbor in the fortress.
Hugh had found it curious that she was sitting alone in the flowerbed, but as he walked by the flowerbed he could see that she was digging holes in the most unusual manner. Not with a spade, but with her bare hands.
He stopped and watched the girl for a minute and was puzzled by why she hadn't been using a spade, or at least some instrument, to expedite her digging endeavors. He was even more perplexed by the fact that would pause and clean dirt from her nails after every single scoop of soil. Even if she lacked the proper tools at home and were forced to dig by hand, Hugh thought, wouldn't it be more efficient if she cleaned her nails upon finishing – or at least after a dozen or more scoops?
Hugh tore himself from this strange sight, figuring that the little girl had her own logic and reasoning for what she was doing, and headed off towards his entranceway.
He pressed his electronic key to the entrance door and stepped through. He had forgotten about the black-haired girl even before the entrance door closed.
Hugh returned to his apartment and flung himself down on his sofa.
The last two days had not gotten him any closer to understanding his hallucinations, but he was determined to find another doctor. Dr. I's notes had been a spark of hope but were now either flopping through the breeze or being munched on by a sewer rat.
Hugh prayed for the latter.
Laying back on the sofa, Hugh swiped his phone on and tapped straight to his browser. He hovered his forefinger above the keyboard at a loss as to what to search for. His last two encounters with doctors had left him demoralized and with little desire for a repeat performance with another Dr. Carni or Dr. I.
Hugh mulled over alternatives.
He considered searching for a neurologist, but he was set against a return venture to a general practitioner in order to retrieve a reference. He also weighed up searching for a psychologist but the notion of paying outrageous sums of money to lie on a sofa, and talk at the ceiling, didn't sit well with him. In the end, he chose to think outside the box. He decided to plug into the search engine the most ludicrous phrasing that he could conjure. After a quick think, Hugh set himself to typing in the search engine: convalescence for those plagued by media related hallucinations in the modern era.
Hugh wholeheartedly expected the browser to admonish him with an error stating that he shouldn't search with such stupid statements. Instead, the search engine pulled up hundreds of links. Hugh tapped on the first one on the list and up popped a new window.
The banner of the website read the organization's name in big bold letters ‘Office M’ and displayed a tagline that they offered one-to-one consultation in the “mystical, magical, metaphysical and mysterious.”
Impressed by Office M's use of alliteration, Hugh continued to read through the website and came to a list of questions that would determine whether Office M's services were a right fit for him.
Do you have otherworldly experiences? The first question posed to Hugh.
“No, I don't. All my experiences are innerworldly.” Hugh said to himself and scrolled onto the next question.
Do you seek answers to what resides beyond the veil of life? The second question read.
“Also no. I'm too busy and stressed out by what resides on my side of the veil.” Hugh replied.
Do you fear that voodoo, witchcraft, or sorcery is inhibiting your life? The third question read.
Hugh rolled his eyes and didn't answer.
Each question was more ridiculous than the last. They mentioned ghouls, ghosts, vampires, trolls and even elves. Even though High was starting to think that these questions must be a joke, he couldn't bring himself to close out the site. There appeared to be a teether anchoring him to the site and hauling him down the page through the sea of questions all the way to the final one – the one which seemed tailored just for Hugh.
Does the media, news, or television push you towards hallucinations of the peculiar, fantastical, and strange? The final question asked.
Hugh didn't even bother to answer. He swiped down to the bottom of the page, tapped the phone number, and pressed the phone to his ear.
Someone picked up after the first ring. A burly voice, which Hugh thought more fitting for a lumberjack than an office worker, answered the phone.
“What do you want?” The gruff voice demanded.
“Hello. I've visited your website and I would like to make an appointment.” Hugh said.
“Look fella, no need to play games.” The lumberjack said. “We don't have time for that. I don't, Office M doesn't, and neither do you. So, let me ask you once more, what do you want?”
“Maybe you didn't hear me,” Hugh replied, quite sure that he had just answered that very question, “I said that I would like to make app –”
“Or maybe you didn't hear me?” The lumberjack interjected with a quick cut, making Hugh feel like a branch chopped in two. “I'm in no mood to waste time. Tell me plain and simple – what do you want?”
“What I really want is to talk to someone about my hallucinations related to the news.” Hugh said, not believing that the second person to know about his hallucinations was to be a lumberjack over the phone. “Your website said—”
The lumberjack sliced right through Hugh's words once again.
“Say no more Sir. I understand completely and I'm here to help. Let us schedule an appointment with Masha.”
“Pardon me, but who is Masha? Won't I be coming in to speak with you?” Hugh asked.
“Buddy, you're not the brightest, are you?” The lumberjack asked and emitted a laugh that was a combination of growl, grunt, and giggle. “I'm the receptionist.”
“How was I supposed to know that you are…” Hugh trailed off, not wanting to argue the question of how he could have possibly known the lumberjack's position at Office M. “Who is Masha then?”
“Masha is the mystic, the guru, the magi, or whatever other word that may like to use.”
“I see…Magis. Gurus. Mystics. Interesting.”
“No, no, no! That's all wrong!” The lumberjack screeched like a cat whose tail had been pulled. “You are using the plural! There is only one mystic here, and that is Masha!”
“Alright. I'm sorry. There is only one magi, and that is Masha.” Hugh tried to sound apologetic. “When can I come in for an appointment with her?”
“Hold on for a minute and I'll check her schedule, she's very busy.” The receptionist let out a few more grunts and growls and then put Hugh on hold.
Hugh expected to hear some fanciful annoying music that those on hold are typically treated to. Instead, he heard the receptionist clunk the phone down on the table and pound away on the cardboard with what sounded like mallet sized fingers.
“So, I checked the schedule,” the lumberjack said after a minute more of pulverizing the keyboard, “tell me which time is good for you.”
“Well, you've just checked Masha's schedule.” Hugh said. “Maybe you can tell me which times she has free?”
“Did you not hear what I have just said?” The lumberjack asked. “Tell me when you are free.”
Hugh was becoming flustered. The lumberjack had made it clear that he was busy, but he seemed quite proficient at wasting time. Hugh took a deep breath and bottled up his brewing irritation.
“I can do tomorrow at two in the afternoon.” Hugh said.
“No. She's not available then.” The lumberjack responded curtly.
“I see… How about at a quarter past twelve?” Hugh asked.
“No. Also not free.” The lumberjack's response curter than his last.
“Look, you asked me when I am free.” Hugh said, no longer restraining his ire with a growl that rivaled the lumberjack's own. “If your Masha is so busy, and doesn't have a free appointment, why did you ask me about my preference? I feel like you asked me about my preference just so you could reject it. Please tell me when she is free, that will make everyone's life easier.”
“No need to be aggressive. Let me see…” The lumberjack said in a relaxed tone and smacked his lips together in thought. “Masha is free tomorrow at… twelve thirty and two thirty. Do either of these times work for you?”
Hugh was dumbstruck at the receptionist's response.
“Are you serious?” Hugh asked. “You could have just told me that before, when I told you that I'm free at around twelve and —"
“Sir, please calm down.” The receptionist said, proving to be not only a master of wasting time but also a master of cutting people off. “Just answer the question. Do either of these times work for you?”
“Let's make this easy.” Hugh said and let out a sigh of relief that he was inching closer to making an appointment. “I can come in at twelve thirty tomorrow. Is that good?” Hugh was expecting the receptionist to tell him that this time had already been booked within the last fifteen seconds.
“Excellent. I'll let Masha know that you are coming. Please find our address on the website. Can you also provide me with your name and phone number, just in case any changes happen between now and tomorrow?”
Hugh gave his full name and number.
“Thank you Hugh.” The lumberjack said. “See you tomorrow.”
“Hold on one second,” It had occurred that Hugh that he hadn't gotten the receptionist's name. “I'm sorry, but what's your name?”
The grunts and growls reverberated through the phone. “The name's Timmy.”
“Well, nice to meet you Timmy.” Hugh tried to sound cordial to make up for his earlier testiness. “I look forward to meeting—”
“Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow.”
That was it. Timmy hung up the phone and left Hugh alone on the other end of the line.
Hugh tossed his phone to the side and rubbed his hands over his temples and eyes. He pulled himself from the sofa and moved to the balcony, the fresh air would help clear the tension behind his eyes that had built during the conversation with Timmy. Hugh hoped that the lumberjack was a bit more straightforward in person, if not, then Hugh wasn't sure he would have the tolerance to make it past Office M’s reception desk.
Hugh rested his elbows on the balcony's railing and inspected the courtyard below. People were hurrying back from work with shopping bags of food, couples were rushing out for an evening meal, pet owners walked their dogs, and other were just out for a stroll. The playground had been vacated, and its surrounding fence had been locked.
All of this was normal for life within the fortress, but Hugh saw an odd sight that caused him to pause and ponder.
The black-haired girl was still at work in the flowerbed.
She was still digging and cleaning, digging and cleaning, digging and cleaning.
Chapter 2. Elevator to Masha
Millions went up and millions went down. Some of them ventured at a slow pace and others in a rush. They walked, bumped, pushed, and, on the rare occasion, even excused themselves. Many ran to catch closing doors but then were forced to wait. Seats were occupied and seats were given up. Everyone traveled together in the metro.
Hugh exited the metro station and opened the map on his phone. A red line highlighted the route to Office M. He tried not to get his hopes up about Masha. Perhaps his visit would be a waste of time and she would only offer him a palm reading and cryptically whisper to him, amidst eye burning incense, that he would one day become rich, famous, and even the president.
Hugh shook these doubts from his mind, like how one would shake dust from an old carpet over a balcony. He needed to be optimistic and focus on getting to Masha's office.
Hugh followed the map and was led to the business region of the city. As Hugh walked along the path laid out by the map, shadows crept in around him and the sky disappeared. Tall towers of fifty floors high surrounded him on all sides. Hugh found their height to be impressive and their design equally so. One was a double helix of what looked like some titan's DNA. Another looked like the lighter a titan would use to ignite a gigantic cigar. A third tower gave the impression that a titan's tiny toddler had unevenly stacked building blocks one atop another, and that this uneven structure was on the verge of toppling over.
The address of Office M brought Hugh to the heart of this artificial tower forest, dedicated to the life of some titan clan, and to the most awe-inspiring one in the city. It wasn't the tallest of buildings, but its spherical shape and orange glow reproduced the glory of the sun on an autumn day.
Hugh had to double check the address to make sure that he was at the right place. He could not imagine a mystic having the financial means to rent space in such a building, let alone in this neighborhood. Honestly, he expected to Masha's office to be located down a dingy alley or in a desolate apartment. But, after double checking the app and website, Office M was indeed inside the replica of the sun. Hugh even gave Office M a ring on his mobile. In all his huff and gruff Timmy confirmed Office M to be in the tower standing before Hugh.
As soon as Hugh stepped through the doors, security guards swarmed him. They patted him down, waved metal detecting rods around him from head to toe, and then shoved him through yet another metal detector. Satisfied that Hugh posed no threat, they then funneled him to an information desk where he had to show his identification and state his business in the tower.
If Hugh hadn't known that this was an information desk then he would have mistaken the two girls sitting there to be executives. Their blazers looked to cost more than his entire wardrobe combined, their neat and tidy hairstyle could have come from a fashion magazine, and their faces wore a layer of polite elitism that Hugh had seen plastered on self-assured top managers.
Hugh had anticipated that they would laugh at him for visiting a mystic in a tower clearly designer for largescale international businesses. To Hugh's amazement neither of them cracked a smile nor exhibited a speculative look when he stated that he had an appointment at Office M. They unemotionally slid a visitor's pass across the desk, pointed to the elevator, and instructed him to go to the 27th floor.
Hugh came a row of elevators, located the one that would go up to the 27th floor and found it utterly out of place in this contemporary tower.
It would have been more at home in a low budget apartment complex from fifty years prior.
The walls were covered in splintered imitation oak wood, the mirrors were full of scratches and cast not a hint of a reflection. The buttons were a tobacco stained yellow and the numbers themselves had faded through overuse. When Hugh had come into the elevator, the floor creaked and sagged under his weight.
Hugh pushed the button with the faded outline of the number twenty-seven.
He anticipated a cacophony of labored creaks and grinds to come from rusted cogs and worn-out cables right before the elevator malfunctioned and plummeted to the basement. Contrary to his expectation, the elevator greeted him with a muffled hum of well-oiled sliding doors and a soundless ascent that deceived Hugh into thinking that the elevator had broken mid-ascent and was not moving at all. Only a faint flicker of lights behind the stained buttons told Hugh that he was climbing to his destination.
Hugh arrived to the 27th floor and the doors slid open just as silently as they had closed, but the volume of what stood before Hugh rang louder than the antiquity of the elevator.
Exiting the elevator, Hugh stepped into what appeared to be a wing of a museum.
The room was large and could have been an office in and of itself. All along the walls were display cases housing shelves of different historical objects and cultural pieces. Smaller display cases dotted the center of the room and gave a top-down view of the exhibited pieces.
Hugh noticed the only door in the room all the way to his right. He ignored it and forked left so that he could peruse what he guessed was Office M's collection. He slowly walked around the cases with quiet footsteps, unconsciously trying to reduce his noise as if he were in a real museum, daring not to disturb the other patrons of the arts.
The display cases caught Hugh's eyes first. They were bright silver, with gold trimming, and were engraved with circular patterns. It was as if the cases were historical, or culturally important, pieces themselves. Hugh was not sure if the cases distracted from the objects on display or added to the atmosphere of the room.
Hugh's eyes moved from the cases and narrowed on the various exhibited objects. He saw ghastly masks with crooked fanged teeth, long and elegant daggers, ceremonial swords, charms attached to ornate chains, wooden toys, and traditional village clothes. Hugh was not certain whether he was looking at a historical exhibition or someone's personal collection. Each item lacked a caption card to provide some historical or cultural context.
Hugh placed himself in the center of the room and observed the entire collection. More questions arose regarding Office M.
Did all these pieces belong to Masha the mystic? Were these items even historical in nature or just mere replicas acting as decorations? If they were genuine antiques then how profitable could Masha's business be to afford such a collection—inside such a tower?
Hugh looked down at his watch and 12:27 beamed back at him. Too much time had elapsed admiring this collection and he needed to pick up the pace.
Hugh walked over to the door on the right side of the room and rank the intercom. The bell rang once and Hugh heard a large mechanism, like the gears of a bank vault, unlock within the door. He tested the door handle and let himself in.
Hugh entered a comfortable looking lobby whose modern appearance contrasted with the adjacent museum. Paintings hung on the walls and overlooked a neat and clean sitting area. Leather sofas nestled against a window that gave a panorama of the city. A coffee machine sat on a waist high table and offered free drinks.
Hugh was of the mind to brew himself up a drink but couldn't pull his attention from the paintings. They were strange for they depicted bright colored anthropomorphic cats. Some were arguing over bread, others were belly laughing at another feline pair that had tripped and fallen to the concrete, and one cat was even pointing a pistol at a crowd of police.
There seemed to be some sort of social commentary in these paintings, but the cartoony depictions of cats distracted Hugh from the real social message.
Hugh stopped himself from analyzing the message behind the feline with a gun and glanced around the room. He found the receptionist's desk on the other end of the lobby. From his vantagepoint, no one was there. The absence of movement behind the desk struck Hugh as odd because someone had to have unlocked the door less than a minute ago. Perhaps lumberjack Timmy had darted to the bathroom.
Hugh decided to wait at the receptionist's desk. When Timmy came back then Hugh's presence would prove that he was indeed on time for his appointment. Timmy would have no justification to take him for being late or not respecting Masha's time.
Hugh came to the desk and was instantly startled.
A man was sitting there. He was so dainty and thin that Hugh had been unable to see him from the other end of the lobby. He was not a short man, but his lack of body mass, coupled with poor posture, greatly reduced his visibility. The man behind the desk looked like a caricature of someone who had spent their entire life in a library archive researching some key literary moment in history, all the while subsisting on dust from book covers. The short disheveled white hair, barely perceptible thin lips, and an expression of having unexpectedly drunk sour milk, lent credence to Hugh's conclusion that this man could not be Timmy.
The man looked up from behind the desk, adjusted his coke bottle glasses and then looked back down at his keyboard.
“Gg-greetings. You must be Hugh,” the frail man said in a hushed and trembled voice that caused Hugh to lean a bit over the desk to hear more clearly. “Masha is waiting for you in the room down the hall. Please go when you are ready.”
“Thank you. I'll see myself to Masha's office.” Hugh said but he wasn't ready to take his leave just yet. He wanted to know the identity of this non-lumberjack behind the desk. “Are you Timmy, the person I spoke with on the phone yesterday?” Hugh leaned even further over the desk to not miss what this delicate man had to say.
In response to Hugh's encroachment, the man flung himself backwards in his chair, hunched his shoulders as if he were expecting Hugh to bash him with a blunt object, and lifted a handkerchief to shield his nose.
The man started to tremble ever so slightly, and Hugh could not believe that this was the lumberjack from yesterday's call.
The man continued to shake, quiver, and guard his nose with his handkerchief like it were some valuable gem and Hugh a well-armed mugger.
Hugh stood there, waiting for an answer to his question, but none came. The man behind the desk stared back and trembled.
“Pardon me.” Hugh said. “Did I do something wrong? I did not mean to startle you or discomfort you in any way. I can leave you if you would like. I'm sure Masha is anticipating my arrival.”
“Why would something be wrong? Everything is fine and dandy!” The man said after a few seconds. His shakes came to a stop, but the handkerchief remained on his nose and his voice cracked as he spoke. “I am indeed the Timmy who you conversed with early yesterday evening. It's a great pleasure to meet you, Hugh.”
Hugh took a step back from the desk, not just to give Timmy more personal space but because Hugh was hit with a sudden wave of unease.
Looking at Timmy's bottled-up anxiety, fear and timidness was like looking at fragments of Hugh's own childhood. His childhood, and even his teens, was a time of fear, insecurity, and loneliness. It was quite common that Hugh would be paralyzed by having to speak to another person. Hugh had to work very hard to shed the inner emotional demons that said he was worthless and would never be good enough.
Hugh's heart ached looking at Timmy and it ached recollecting the child he himself had been.
“Excuse me, but Masha is waiting for you in the next room.” Timmy interrupted Hugh's self-reflections with a gentle whisper. “Wouldn't it be wise to get going?”
“That would be a good idea.” Hugh pulled himself back to reality but delayed going straight to Masha's office. He looked at Timmy and gave him a weak smile. “I appreciate your help Timmy and I'm glad we got to meet.”
The handkerchief left Timmy's nose and he reciprocated Hugh's smile with one of his own.
“Me too. But I don't believe this will be our last chat.” Timmy said and sat back down in his chair, giving a non-verbal que that it was time for Hugh to go.
Hugh nodded and made for Masha's office.
Hugh came to Masha's office and the door was slightly ajar. He rested his hand on the door, pushed it open and passed over the threshold.
The room was more suited for a university professor than a mystic. Wooden shelves wrapped around the entirety of the room and no walls were visible. The shelves were so densely crammed with books that Hugh swore he could hear groans and moans from the shelves as they labored to contain their contents. Hugh balled his hands into fists to restrain himself from reaching out, hooking his finger on the top of a single book's spine, and testing how much it would resist being pried free.
At the center of thickly packed collection of literature reclined a person with their legs propped atop a broad, glossy, and heavy table. Bottoms of purple sneakers and the waves from a matching flowy dress shown back at Hugh, but the person's face was not visible. A smartphone, held aloft by hands with individual nails painted a different color of the rainbow, obstructed Hugh's view. All Hugh could see was an outline of the person's hair around the phone, a wild and golden puff cut to shoulder length and dyed with streaks of pink.
Hugh could hear haptic vibration coming from the phone, signaling that the person who Hugh assumed to be Masha was typing something. Since she had made no effort to acknowledge him, nor showed any sign of putting aside her phone, Hugh decided to break the ice himself.
“Pardon me… My name is —”
“I know who you are, as well as I know you'll see the sun tomorrow.” A feminine voice said from behind the desk and the sounds haptic feedback. “You are Hugh Mechta. You were born and raised in another city but now you live in the eastern part of this one. Your father passed away when you were young, and you wish to—”
“Hold on one second. How do you know all this about me already?” Hugh interrupted. “Did you divine this information, roll some bones, have a spirt vision or see me in a dream?” Hugh felt silly saying all of this, for he was quite skeptical of anything paranormal, but he had been taken aback by what Masha had said. “Are you truly a mystic?”
Hugh's final question brought the sound of haptic feedback to a halt and sent Masha twisting in her chair with a joyful laugh. She swung her purple sneakers to the floor with a muffled thump against the carpet, thrusted herself forward and planted her elbows on the table. With one hand she set her phone to the side and with the other brushed golden pink streaks from her eyes.
Hugh deemed that Masha was perhaps in her late twenties, younger than himself. Other than her cheeks, her face lacked any curves or round edges. Her nose, chin, eyebrows, and jawline were all sharp. Masha reminded him of one of the ceremonial daggers in the collection room.
Raising her eyebrows and bearing a smile sharp enough to cut Hugh in two, a sea of detailed lines formed on Masha’s forehead and cheeks. If Masha were indeed a ceremonial dagger, then those detailed lines would be the decorative etchings of a master artisan. Hugh felt that even one of those lines could tell a multitude of stories from Masha’s life, personality, and inner workings.
Hugh suddenly forgot why he had come to Office M and found himself wanting to hear those stories.
“Ceremonial daggers are not as interesting as you think.” Masha said as her smile turned into a soft grin. “I feel that your initial set of questions deserve answers. How do I know so much about you, your life, and your family?”
Hugh was still standing, and his eyes were glowing with eagerness for Masha’s answer.
Masha deftly scooped up her phone from the table.
“The answers are all here.” She said and shook her phone in the air, not unlike how someone would wave a miniature flag. “You ought to enable stricter privacy settings on your social media accounts and websites where personal data is visible. After popping your name into a search engine, I got plenty of hits that provided plenty of information.”
The parts Hugh’s brain that govern embarrassment, relief, and disappointment all fired at once to produce a dizzying emotional cocktail. He was embarrassed at how visible he was on the internet but simultaneously relieved and disappointment that she did not enact a complex magical ritual to scry information about him.
For a moment Hugh felt not like a person, an individual being, but like a faceless piece of data amongst billions of other data sets that are stored somewhere in a database.
“Don't be disappointed. Practically everyone is just a datapoint in a database now. That is just the nature of the world we live in.” Masha said and offered Hugh the seat across from her. He swiftly took it. “But enough of that. Let me answer your question about whether I am a mystic. The short answer is—yes. The longer answer is yes – I am a mystic.”
Hugh sat there, mouth agape. Masha's attempt at humor caused him even more confusion as he was still reflecting upon his existence as a mere line of code in a database. He took a deep breath through his nose and tried to reset his emotions to something calmer.
Hugh's mouth was dry from hanging open and he licked his lips in a vain attempt to moisturize them.
“Since you know so much about me, do you know why I am here?” Hugh asked.
“Of course, I know.” Masha's mouth formed into another cutting smile as she mirrored Hugh, her tongue gliding along her lips like a knife across a whetstone. “You are here because of your hallucinations.”
“But.. How… Where?” Hugh stammered and struggled to formulate a question.
Masha raised her hand, signaling for High to pause his question forming endeavor.
“No need to feel flustered.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “You spoke with Timmy on the phone yesterday and he relayed to me that you had mentioned hallucinations in your conversation. That's how I know.”
Hugh had forgotten about his conversation with Timmy and felt embarrassed for his current lack of eloquence. He had been feeling foolish throughout this entire meeting.
“Let's throw away the past and just focus on the here and now, shall we?” She said as she leaned forward on the table, seemingly beckoning Hugh's attention. “Please, tell me about your hallucinations. What causes them? What do you see and experience?”
The way Masha looked at Hugh put him at ease, as if a calming spell were cast over him. He sat back in his chair and words emerged without effort.
Hugh told her about his hallucinations.
Hugh had spoken with many people in his life. All these conversations had led him to a conclusion about speaking partners, namely that most of them weren't active listeners. Hugh knew that after some time during their conversation they would stop listening and simply move onto hearing. They would nod in agreement or give a grunt of dissent, but behind those conversational cues the hearers would be plotting what to say next, or how to shift the conversation unto themselves, as opposed to listening contemplatively and responding in kind.
Hugh's previous observations and conclusions could not be applied to Masha. As he spoke, her eyes did not waver from his own and she hung on every word that he said. Every time he paused to permit her time to comment, she tilted her head and silently said, “Please, go on.”
And each time Hugh went on speaking and every time Masha went on listening.
“You know Masha, you are only the third person that I have spoken to about this. The other two weren't of much help.” Hugh said after recounting his various hallucinations when encountering the news, including the most one recent involving the dragon and the porcupine in the café. “So, what do make of all this?”
“Tell me something Hugh.” Masha said and shifted in her chair, her eyes not leaving Hugh. The blue in them grew more honed and intense, reflecting her attention and concentration. “How do you discern between hallucination and reality?”
“I just do.” Hugh said and pointed at Masha's desk. “Take those two pens, for example. I look at them and I just know that they are different. They have different shapes, colors, and positions on the table. Not much thought needs to go into recognizing that they are different. The same applies to my hallucinations. When an animal starts to converse with me, or if the world bends before my eyes, I just know that it is my brain editing strange scenes onto the figurative movie that is my life.”
“Sometimes I have nightmares and sometimes I have the sweetest of dreams.” Masha said. “Quite often, in this dream state, I cannot distinguish whether I am awake or asleep. Sometimes I wake up and it takes a few moments to solve the conundrum of whether I am still dreaming. So, I ask you, how can you say with confidence that you are not dreaming at this moment and that your life is not projection of your mind? Going further with this, how can you say that you are not in a lifelong coma, or even strapped to some machine feeding experiences and sensory stimuli to your brain?”
“Don't you think you are going too deeply down the philosophical route?” Hugh asked.
“No, I don't.” Masha responded and her lips snapped into a thin smirk. “Humor me, if you must.”
Hugh's hands went to the back of his head and his eyes drifted to the ceiling as he tried to construct a fitting answer.
“I am not dreaming, in a coma, nor in a machine because… Because… I can recall my childhood.”
As if anticipating Hugh’s response, Masha fired back a follow up question even before Hugh could take his next breath.
“How does the recollection of your childhood connect to whether or not you are dreaming?”
Hugh realized that no other sound could be heard in the room. No sounds of heaters rattling, no wind blowing against the window, no clock ticking. It was as if every object in the room were holding their breaths and eavesdropping in on their conversation.
“Let us talk about dreams. That is a bit easier than comas and machines.” Hugh said, breaking the silence. “When dreaming, it seems to me that there is a lack of continuity. What I mean to say is that dreams tend to be fragmented, the stories they tell are not always logical, and there is not always a feeling of past, present and future. When I fall asleep I am thrown right into the middle of the dream’s plot without any knowledge of what had transpired before. The person in this dreamy plot has no childhood, he’s just a character who has no past, just an immediate dreaming now. But in real life, I can see how much my childhood has impacted, and continues to impact, my life.”
Hugh looked down at the floor and became quiet for some time. He took some time to focus on the sound of his breathing and his own introspection. Masha didn’t make a sound herself. She let Hugh grapple with his thoughts.
Hugh looked up and Masha was staring right back at him, her eyes had not lost a fraction of their intensity and attentiveness.
“Honestly, talking about whether I am dreaming or not is unhelpful.” Hugh said. “It solves nothing, helps me reach no conclusions, and provides me with no practical understanding of why I hallucinate. On the other hand, the events of my childhood, or at least how I perceive them, may afford me with answers.”
He looked over at shelves and took note of the books closet to him. He expected to see books on the paranormal which dealt with ghosts, witchcraft, sorcery, and other topics one would associate with a mystic. Instead, all he saw were works of fiction, from authors that he knew very well to others that he had never heard of before. Even though he did not know the authors, h2s like 'The Black Hole Stranger,' 'The Rouge’s Dagger,' and 'The Cosmic Winter' rang of science fiction and fantasy.
Hugh didn’t take his eyes off the books as he started to speak.
“When I was a child, and even now as a matter of fact, I was very lonely. Looking at your books brings back bittersweet memories.”
Hugh felt a hand inside his chest squeeze, grip, and push down the raw emotions that were bubbling within.
Speaking about his childhood was a difficult task that required focus to keep his composure and tears at bay.
“I used to spend a lot of time reading to escape this loneliness. The characters in the books would become friends for me. Even after turning over the final page, I would fantasize about the heroes walking beside me, their swords and shields my companions that defended me against the loneliness from within. I believe this absorption into fiction was a way for me to escape the loneliness caused by my father’s death and my mother constantly away at work.”
Masha laced her fingers together and closed her eyes. She sat that was for a few minutes and Hugh started to think that she had fallen asleep or was trying to mentally escape from his outpour of emotions. As Hugh parted his lips to speak and check up on her, Masha stirred and her eyes open.
“I want to tell you Hugh,” Masha said in a gentle voice that sounded like a mother reassuring her child, “Hell is not other people, the past, nor our families. Hell is being stuck in the past and not developing as a person in the present.”
“So, what should I do, to develop as a person? Also, could it be that my hallucinations are a product of my childhood?” Each word Hugh spoke brought him closer and closer towards Masha, he was on the verge of slipping from the edge of his seat. He was feeling that their conversation was building towards a revelation that would answer his every question.
“To develop, you need to connect with other people.” Masha spoke with her hands, slowly rotating her palms towards the ceiling. “As for your hallucinations, I cannot say for sure, but I believe that you have already answered this question.”
Hugh stared back at Masha, mouth clasped shut so as not to speak and disrupt her from elaborating further.
Masha looked back at him from across the table, and to Hugh's dismay, said nothing. She merely shined another one of her slicing smiles, this one hinting to Hugh that she was intentionally withholding information from him.
“So, now what?” Hugh blurted out. “Maybe you could give me some more concrete advice, like, I don't know, ‘go to a book club,’ ‘learn to play chess,’ ‘get out more often,’ or ‘blame my family for every miniscule problem in my life.’ Everyone needs to connect with people, I do not see how your information is particularly special for me.”
Masha sat back in her chair and threw her feet onto the table. A glistening pair of orange high heels were now strapped to her feet and her dress had turned from purple to black. She tapped her heels in the air to the beat of some music that Hugh could not hear.
“If you want to join a book club, a chess club, or somewhere else, then please feel free to do so. You do not need a guiding hand to do that. But now, you need a guiding word on what to do next.” Masha started to speak slower and more deliberately, but her tapping feet were picking up speed and bopping faster and faster to a soundless high tempo rhythm. “You need to go. Someone is arriving soon.” Masha plucked her phone from the table and pointed it at the door from which Hugh had entered. She was signaling for Hugh’s departure. “Well see each other again, I promise.”
Hugh stood up, thanked Masha for her time, and glanced around the room once more before leaving. Every book around the room was fiction, not only the ones closest to him. Hugh didn’t know what this said about Masha or her mystic abilities, but the sights of those spines written with fantasy names was a sight of both melancholy and comfort.
Hugh left the office and searched for Timmy behind the receptionist's desk. He wanted to pay for his visit and inquire how to book a follow-up appointment with Masha. However, once Hugh reached the desk, the receptionist was nowhere to be seen. Timmy's chair was empty, his desk lamp was off, and his laptop was folded shut.
Masha had said that someone was coming, so Hugh considered that Timmy would return to greet the next client. To kill time from now till Timmy’s return, Hugh went over to the coffee machine to brew himself a drink and make himself comfortable.
The coffee machine was unplugged, and not a single bean was stored within its glass tank. The water cooler was empty and devoid of cups. Even the countertop was still moist from an earlier cleaning.
Hugh strode past the still vacant receptionist desk and back to Masha's office. He gave the door a few knocks but got no answer in return.
Hugh tried to open the door but was greeted by locked resistance. The cracks at the bottom of the door shone back no light.
Hugh assumed that Masha had departed and switched off the lights.
Hugh returned to the receptionist's deck with a sneaking suspicion that no other client would arrive, and that Office M had closed for the day. He reached behind the desk for pen and paper and jotted down a message for Timmy to call and arrange a payment for today's meeting. Hugh didn't want to arouse the anger of a mystic because she thought that he had dodged paying her.
Hugh didn't take notice that the entrance door was unlocked and that the display case lights in the mini-exhibition area had been switched off.
He was too busy mulling over where Masha and Timmy had gone to, and whether Masha had lied about someone arriving soon.
Chapter 3. Mole People, Bad News, and a Soil Dragon
Like many times before, Hugh entered the fortress.
‘Enter' is the wrong work. There were no sprawling gates, no keys needed for a gigantic lock, no secret password that must be passed to a guard, or even a door that needed to be opened. All Hugh did was pass through a tall and wide arch that connected the outside world to the courtyard within.
Hugh wished there were gates or doors that blocked others from wandering into the courtyard without impediment. Just as he strolled into the courtyard without resistance, so could others. Hugh did not mind when parents with children, dogs, or people seeking to spend a calm and relaxing afternoon came to the courtyard. In fact, he enjoyed it when they came, for it made the courtyard bream with energy, life, and a sense of community. Who he did mind entering were the boozers, the hooligans, the vandals, and contraband dealers. Once every few months someone would come and ruin the beauty of the courtyard. They would flip over the benches, scatter their rubbish into the flowerbed and grass, spray graffiti on the walls, and harass people walking through.
Like many times before, Hugh saw children on the playground, dogs sniffing through the grass, and people sitting on benches around the flowerbed with drinks in hand and conversation on their tongues.
Unlike many times before, but just like last time, Hugh saw the black-haired girl. She was exactly where Hugh had spotted her before, in the flowerbed. She was also still occupied with her task of digging holes.
This time her method for digging had evolved, but not in the most sophisticated manner. She was wielding a thick stick, driving it into the ground, and prying away soil. It was not the most efficient way of digging holes, but it was a lot cleaner than using her hands and nails.
Hugh stopped and watched how the black-haired girl brandished her stick and pierced the Earth with earnest seriousness and determination. To the people sitting on the benches, her efforts must have looked comedic. To Hugh, he read it as a heroic adventure. One day she had been striving to achieve her goal with nothing but her hands. The task had been difficult, but she preserved. She had returned the next day, this time with a stick as a companion, to pry loose the obstacles that barred her progress to her heroic objective.
Hugh approached the flowerbed, wanting to know what her heroic objective was, if it existed at all.
Sensing Hugh nearby, the black-haired girl’s attention snapped to him, like a branch in a biting wind.
Without ceasing her digging, she regarded him with eyes that were both absent and alert. A fleeting sensation of familiarity, that he had seen those eyes before, passed through Hugh. He had no time to process what that familiarity meant because it escaped him just as quickly as it had arrived.
“Hi, I saw you here yesterday.” Hugh said. “I’d like to know what you are doing here?”
The girl gripped the stick with both hands, jabbed it into the ground, pressed her bodyweight onto it, and wedged it into the Earth.
“Is it not obvious?” She asked and used the stick as a lever to fling soil to the side. “I’m trying to find the mole people who live underground. I heard they have their lair under this flowerbed.”
Hugh’s eyes grew twice in size with surprise. “Are you serious?”
“Is rain wet? Is snow cold? Of course, I am serious.” She replied and jabbed the stick back into the ground. “You may not believe me, but I will find those mole people, exterminate their population, slay their nefarious king and save humanity from a war of gigantic proportions.”
Hugh stood there stunned. He had expected a more fitting answer, that she had been planting flowers for her mom or that she was waiting for her father to return from work to help with the gardening. He would have accepted any reasoning and rationale other than an excavation to an unreal world with the objective of annihilating an unreal population. The heroic journey that he had perceived her to be on was more of an absurdist villainous venture.
“Well, I wish you good luck in your endeavors to the center of the Earth.” Hugh said and backed out of stick swinging range in case she mistook him as a double agent of the mole king. “I would love to stay and learn how you, the sole crusader against the mole people, will navigate the labyrinths of their subterranean cities, and single handedly put down their forces, but I have some work to get done at home.”
Hugh took his leave, but as soon as he took his first step towards home he heard sounds of suppressed laughter.
Pivoting on his heels, and back towards the girl, he saw her soil covered hands were pressed to her mouth, struggling to muffle her laugher.
She lifted her eyes to Hugh and his nonplussed expression set her off like a match to a powder keg. She freed her hands from her mouth, threw them above her head, and let her laugher ring free throughout the courtyard. The people sitting on the benches, who had paid her and Hugh no mind beforehand, stopped their conversations and unglued their eyes from their smartphones.
They all looked over at her and started to smile and giggle.
Even though it was only for a few seconds, her laughter had infected them with joy.
“Why are you laughing?” Hugh asked, noticing that he was the only one not merry in this moment. “Did one of the mole people tell you a joke?”
Hugh's question brought another series of laughs from the black-haired girl. She tried to answer Hugh's questions, but each time she opened her mouth fits of laugher stymied the passage of words.
Only after three attempts was she able to compose herself.
“I can't believe you thought I was really looking for mole people!” The black-haired girl cried out. “Do you think I am some gullible and oblivious child who could be duped by fiction? I was just teasing you!”
“It seems that I am the gullible one here,” Hugh cracked a smile, “but if you are not on a grand expedition to meet the mole people, then what are you doing?”
“I can see that in addition to being gullible, you are also oblivious.” The black-haired girl said. “Isn't it obvious? I'm digging holes to plant flowers.”
“That does seem quite obvious,” Hugh said, “but why are you digging with a stick and not with a spade or some other tool?”
The girl retrieved her stick from beside her and smoothed out the holes she had been making.
“I am attempting to pioneer a new and ecofriendly method of planting flowers.” She held the stick in one hand and waved it before Hugh, as if to show him the majesty of it. “Sticks are renewable, can be picked up from the ground and are not manufactured in waste producing factories.”
“That's very admirable, that you care so much for the environment.” Hugh commented. “Maybe if you plant flowers in other courtyards people will see you and the idea will catch on.”
The girl erupted with laugher and once again the courtyard inhabitants joined in.
“I see that my jokes fly over your head a bit.” She said after regaining herself. “Don't worry, you'll adjust. Soon you'll see that I'm the best comedian around and be belly laughing in no time.”
In an odd way, Hugh found the entire situation humorous. The black-haired girl set a pair of humorous traps and Hugh had been snagged in each one. This fact brought a smile to his face and a laugh of his own.
The girl's eyes had grown as wide as Hugh's had when he had heard about her journey to slaughter the mole people.
“So now you laugh?” She questioned. “When I didn’t even make a joke? You sure have an odd sense of humor”
“Your joke about being ecofriendly only just hit me now and I couldn't contain myself.” Hugh said and concentrated on withholding a smile as he laid his own trap.
“Really! You just got the joke now?!?”
It was Hugh's time to spring the trap, and he did so with a laugh of his own, albeit with too much gusto. Those on the benches looked up but did not join. They shot perturbed glances Hugh's way and then dove back into their screens.
“I see you have a touch of gullibility yourself.” Hugh said, ignoring the lack of laughs. “I was laughing at being the butt of all your jokes, you know, taking them in stride.”
The girl carefully put the stick down, as if she were handling an artifact.
“Well, a discovery has been made.” She said. “A true breakthrough! We have discovered that you have a sense of humor! Let us tell the wisest scholars in the most prestigious universities!”
“I'll be sure to tell them as soon as possible.” Hugh joked. “But what these scholars really want to know is why you are digging holes with a stick and not a spade”
“To tell you the truth,” she said looking down at the stick as if it her artifact had become a pitiful creature, “I don't have a spade. If I had one, I would use it.”
Hugh raised an eyebrow.
“You could have said that right from the start.” Hugh said. “My grandmother loved gardening and I have boxes of her old stuff. There should be a spade around somewhere.”
A look of excitement sparked in the girl's face, then died out. Hugh could read on the girl's face that she was reluctant to ask him to go and search for the spade.
“Wait here for a bit, and I'll go and check.” Hugh offered. “If I find it then you can use it.”
“Thank you,” the girl said, and Hugh could hear the embarrassment tinted on her words. “I'll be waiting here and continuing my journey to the center of the Earth.”
Hugh returned to his entrance way and slid his key over the electronic keypad. The door beeped and chirped for a few seconds and the lock disengaged. Hugh pulled the door open thinking that the unlocking process was a bit too long and that lock makers made it so because they were so proud of the sound effects and wanted to show it off to others.
Entering the building, Hugh bound up a small flight of stairs and took a right down a corridor that led to the elevator.
As soon as he made the corner, two tiny dogs pounced on his legs with tails wagging and wide eyes that begged for cookies and belly rubs. The first dog was a gracile Yorke with oily and weighed down fur that said it was long overdue for a bath. The second was a stout and plump Westie that would have looked right at home in a child's toy store on a rack for premium stuffed animals. They weren't big enough to topple Hugh, but their nails threatened to a hole or two into his trousers.
Hugh gave each dog a generous pet atop the head and maneuvered himself towards the elevator and out of clawing range. The dogs dropped to their front paws and straightened into a sitting position, their heads craned upward, and eyes trained on Hugh the entire time. Hugh could hear the swishing and pattering of their tails on the tiled floor behind them, their bright-eyed stares and fractional head tilts striving to tell Hugh that they were not only good dogs, but the best of the best.
Hugh backpedaled from the loving looks that only a dog could give, reached for the elevator button, but forced his hand to fall to his side.
Hugh was in a hurry, knowing that the black-haired girl was waiting for him to return, but he couldn't bear to leave the dogs alone and unattended.
Keeping watch on the dogs, Hugh stood on the first step of stairs and looked up through the spiraling staircase in search of a soul seeking their lost pets. From Hugh's vantage point he was able to spot two pairs of legs on the second floor. He readied himself to call out to them but the content of their conversation, which had been drifting like snowflakes of white noise but then crashed down on him like an avalanche, glued his tongue to the roof of his mouth and bridled his lips against the formation of words.
“Oh my! That's terrible news.” The first set of legs said in a hushed tone.
“I can't believe it myself, they found him dead, all alone in his apartment.” The second pair of legs added, fruitlessly trying to stay quiet in a stairway that echoed the faintest of noises.
“I feel for his family – a wife now a widow and son fatherless.” The first pair of legs expressed her condolences.
“May he rest in heaven.” The second pair said
The final word echoed down the staircase and slammed into Hugh's gut like a battering ram, sending butterflies fluttering and pools of acid swirling in his stomach. Hugh stumbled down the stairs from the rising nausea and doubled over. He slapped one hand over his mouth to prevent that which was bubbling deep inside from spilling out.
“Hugh, sweetie. Come and sit down with me.” A familiar and sad voice said from the down the corridor.
Despite his mounting queasiness, Hugh whipped himself around to face the voice that he knew was his mother's.
The corridor was empty save the two dogs. Hugh propped himself up against the wall and tightened his seal over his mouth. The fluttering butterflies had melted into the acidic stew that was now churning in his stomach, and Hugh knew that something was trying to escape.
“You haven't done anything wrong Hugh. We need… To have talk.” Hugh's mother said again. This time Hugh was able to locate the source of his mother's speech. It was coming from the Westie.
“Sometimes in life… We need to be strong, not physically… But emotionally.” Although the Westie was speaking with the voice of Hugh's mother, the dog wasn't addressing Hugh. It was solely fixed on its canine compatriot—the Yorkie. “Can you do that for me sweetie? Be emotionally strong?”
The Yorkie lowered itself to ground into a laying position, resting its disheveled tiny head onto its paws, and looked up at the Westie.
“I can.” The Yorkie said meekly.
The Yorkie’s voice was that of a four-year old Hugh.
“Your dad… It's about him.” Hugh could hear his mother choking back sobs and nose harassing sniffles. Despite the emotion in his mother's speech, the Westie didn't wipe away tears or lift a paw to blow its nose. It merely stared at the Yorkie and performed the role of a record player that projected Hugh's mother's speech through its maws. “Hugh… My sweet boy… I've got some bad news.”
Hugh heard his mother’s words echo in his ears – “I’ve got some bad news.” It echoed in his ears five more times.
Each echo was a repeated dose of medication that reduced the turnover in stomach and the urge to vomit. After five rings of the phrase in his ear, the echoing stopped. So too did Hugh’s nausea.
“Did something happen to dad?” The Yorkie asked, acting a record player to project sound just as the Westie had.
“Dad… He’s… He’s gone to heaven.” The Westie said.
“When is he coming back?” The Yorkie asked and the audio recording ended.
The Yorkie stood up and both dogs plopped down into a sitting position. Their tails resumed wagging and innocent eyes blinked back at Hugh.
Hugh stood up straight, rested the back of his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
His hallucinations were typically strange visions fitting for the realm of fiction, fantasy, and the imaginary. Never had they been so personal and related to real events that had transpired in his life.
Never had they touched upon his childhood.
Masha had told him not to think about the past, but, as evidenced by what he had just witnessed, that lonely kingdom of time in his life would not relinquish him. Hugh couldn’t understand why. He didn’t want to live in the past because he hated and loathed that his father had passed away, that the double burden of motherhood and employment had strangled his mother, and that. as a result. he was left in a childhood of loneliness.
“Sir? Are you okay?” Hugh heard someone ask him. “Come back to reality. Sir.”
Hugh opened his eyes and saw an old lady with a worried expression standing before him.
“Pardon me. I was just lost in thought.” Hugh said dreamily.
“Lost in thought, eh?” The older lady shot him with a suspicious look. “Well, you must have had the greatest idea of the modern era because my barking dogs couldn’t bring you to your senses. Honestly, I thought you were on drugs. I was about to call the police. I cannot be certain that you are not on drugs at this very moment!”
“Ma’am, I apologize for worrying you, and thank you for not calling the police.” Hugh said. “You can ask the neighbors on my floor about me. They will confirm that I'm a normal person.”
“Poppycock! You were standing here like a scarecrow on the unemployment line! I can already confirm that you are anything but normal.” She said and adjusted her sunflower patterned headscarf. “But, truthfully speaking, no person on this Earth is normal. So… you are okay with me.”
“Thank you very much,” Hugh said and smiled, a bit charmed by the old lady's affirmation. “You are also okay with me.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She said dismissively and turned towards the entrance door with the Yorkie and Westie trotting behind her. “But no drugs! You hear me!”
“Yes ma’am. Of course.” Hugh said, but he was sure she hadn't heard him. She and her dogs had vanished around the corner and were probably outside already.
Out of habit, Hugh looked down at this watch. He didn't know at what time he had entered the building nor how long he had spent with the old lady's dogs, but he knew that he had wasted too much time. He needed to grab the spade from his apartment and bring it back to the black-haired girl. She had been sassy before and Hugh could only imagine how she would be now that he was late.
Even before arriving at his door, Hugh had already plucked his keys from his pocket. With a concentrated and fluid motion he inserted the key into the lock, pulled the door handle down and dived into his apartment. He made no effort to collect his keys or close the door.
First he checked under the bed but found only old boxes from gadgets of years past.
He swung open closet doors, but only found hanging shirts that he had forgotten that he owned.
In the kitchen, behind the sofa, above the TV, in the bathroom, he checked everywhere but could not find his grandmother's boxes.
Hugh started to worry that he may have thrown out his grandmother's belongings, or even worse, he may have all the long imagined being in possession of them.
Hugh dragged a chair into the corridor, jammed it up against the fridge, leap onto the chair, and investigated the cupboards tucked away there.
He found the boxes, resting peacefully on the cupboard's middle shelf. Hugh extended his arms to grab the boxes, but they were a few centimeters out of reach. Hugh propped his left elbow onto the top of the fridge, gave himself a boost in height by standing on his toes, and flicked the edges of the boxes with his right pointer finger until they slid into grabbing range.
After precariously rocking the chair on two legs to the point of almost crashing to the ground, Hugh finally retrieved the boxes. With them in hand, he jumped down from the chair, rushed to the kitchen and placed them on the kitchen table.
Hugh ripped into the boxes, tearing stained tape, and shredding flaky chunks of cardboard. Inside he found rusted knitting and sewing needles, thimbles, crusty paintbrushes and palettes, old beaded jewelry on fine string, tiny cast molds that could shape wild animals, a handmade ceramic Halloween pumpkin, dark room photos of her husband in youth, and a myriad of other things that widened Hugh's perspective to the creative and artistic nature of his grandmother.
She had always been grandma to him, but as Hugh handled these belongings her identity diversified and multiplied into something more. She was a grandma, wife, mom, knitter, painter, craftswoman, photographer and much more.
At the bottom of the second box, Hugh located the much more that he had been seeking – grandma as the gardener.
With spade in hand and warm thoughts of his grandmother in his heart, he sprinted out the door and descended the staircase two steps at a time.
Hugh threw the entrance door open and sprinted out the building. He stopped short as a car whizzed by with no regards for pedestrians as it searched of a parking spot. Hugh accelerated back to a sprint and charged towards the flowerbed looking like a pretend knight ready to pierce a soil and dirt dragon through the heart with his gardening spade.
Hugh reached the flowerbed and scanned the benches, the playground, and the paths leading around the fortress.
The black-haired girl was nowhere to be seen.
Small piles of soil, poorly dug holes, and a lone stick were all the remained of the girl.
Hugh inspected her handywork and noticed that he could see only holes. There were no dirt mounds that one would expect to see after planting seeds. On two occasions he had witnessed her hard at work in the flowerbed and even though she had been using first her fingernails and then a stick, she should have made some sort of progress on planting seeds. All that she had accomplished was the unearthing and tossing of soil.
Hugh shifted the spade from one hand to another.
Even if planting seeds had been just an excuse for her to sit and dig aimlessly, Hugh wished that he had returned and given her the spade.
He spun the spade on its handle, the polished wood gliding without a scratch against his skin.
Hugh had a feeling that the spade would have made her digging a little bit more enjoyable.
Hugh rang his fingers along the edges and thought of how his grandmother must have held it and how the black-haired girl would have held it.
Then Hugh stepped over the brick ring around the flowerbed and sat down in the soil, not caring if his clothes were dirtied. He crossed his legs and got comfortable despite the soil making its way into his shoes and down his trousers legs.
Hugh lifted the spade and dug his own holes.
He became the spade knight whose mission was to slay the soil dragon.
Hole after hole Hugh dug. Pile after pile he stacked. He pierced the soil dragon and laid it to the side piece by piece.
He became entranced by the monotonous mechanical process of piercing, scooping, and chucking the soil dragon. The dragon was too slow to dodge Hugh's well-placed thrusts and its scales too weak to deflect his precise blows. Hugh was the spade knight, and no dragon stood a chance against him.
Hugh placed the spade in his lap and brushed away his moistened brow with a soil covered hand. He shielded his eyes and looked towards the sun that was skirting the horizon. It was shining the strongest it had all day.
Hugh stood up, gave his clothes a light brush, and looked over the black-haired girls fruitless handywork.
For a second, he doubted that she had been joking about hunting the mole people.
Chapter 4. The Spade, the Spoon, and the Skeleton
The train doors slid open. Hugh merged into the wave of people exiting onto the platform and rode the wave of humanity to his destination.
He could feel the spade bouncing along in his bag next to work related files and documents. He had been carrying the spade each day just in case he would bump into the black-haired girl or spotted her in the flowerbed. He didn't want to rush back to his flat to find the spade, only to have her disappear once more.
As it stood, he hadn't seen her for some days. Every time he had gone out to work and returned to the fortress, he would look to the flowerbed and benches but found the former untouched and the latter littered with people sitting, chatting, eating, and drinking.
The black-haired girl was never among them, sitting with her parents and having a bite to eat, but Hugh found it fascinating that there were always different people relaxing on those benches. It was as if his courtyard were a rest stop in between the comings and goings of adventurers, vagabonds, and eternal wanderers.
Hugh considered the possibility that the black-haired girl was one of those vagabonds that he would never see again. Perhaps, Hugh reflected, he would be forever hauling around his grandmother's spade.
Hugh followed the crowd like how a molecule of water follows a running river, and flowed with them onto the escalator.
Riding the escalator to the surface of the metro, Hugh questioned why he was applying so much effort to give the black-haired girl the spade. He couldn't find a definite answer, but he attributed the reason to Masha's impact on him. He saw the girl not as a way to connect to other people, but as a way to let go of his own lonely childhood. To some degree, seeing the black-haired girl sitting in the flowerbed without her parents around to take part in her activities reminded Hugh of the loneliness that he had faced at her age.
The girl indeed appeared to be in high spirits. Hugh doubted that she had suffered the same fate as he had as a child where one parent passed away and another then became shackled to work. Regardless, he felt that giving her the spade was a gesture that he himself would have appreciated receiving when he had been a child.
The escalator reached its apex and Hugh stepped off with added acceleration from the escalator's forward movement. He sidestepped around the person in front of him to avoid collision and then struck a path through the slow-moving crowd to the exit, feeling as a lightning bolt through a dense and gelatinous fog.
Hugh burst through the heavy double exit doors and flew down the five or so steps leading down to the sidewalk. He weaved through the crowd of human molasses, careful to avoid clipping the shoulders of those less eager to put distance between themselves and their metro ride.
Coming off the final step, Hugh slammed face first into a man who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
The immovable object that halted Hugh's unstoppable forced did not seem perturbed or angered by their chance physical meeting. He gave Hugh a sly smile, as if signaling to Hugh that they shared had shared in some inside joke. What baffled Hugh was that the man hadn't been leaving the metro with the rest of the metro goers, he had been standing and facing the oncoming wave of humanity.
Standing there, trying to understand the forward-facing man's smile, Hugh noticed that crowd started to fork around and avoid them. Hugh and this immovable man were just two people standing there but those exiting the metro treated them as a bulky obstacle. Hugh could have extended his arms at full with, from side to side, and his fingertips wouldn't have brushed the rushing crowd.
“Pardon me sir,” Hugh said to the forward-facing man, “but you are standing in the area where people exit. The entrance is through the other —"
“I’m disappointed that you don’t remember me Mr. Mechta.” The forward-facing man interrupted with his smile still plastered on his face. He deliberately and meticulously adjusted his coke bottle glasses.
“Timmy?” Hugh’s question was incredulous. The person Hugh had met at Office M was a cowering and frail man hunched behind a desk, whereas this man stood with perfect posture seemingly supported by a steel spine, broad shoulders, and a smile that exuded not just confidence, but power.
This air of self-assuredness was supported by Timmy’s dress – a pair of brown leather loafers, black dress pants that looked tailored just for him, and a burgundy dress shirt underneath a matching waist cost lined with light brown buttons brandishing etchings of the letter M.
“You do remember me, Mr. Mechta. How delightful!” Timmy said, ignoring the stampede of people streaming outside arm’s reach.
“What brings you here?” Hugh asked, eyeing Timmy’s perfectly brushed slicked back hair. In front of Hugh, he looked like a model for some high-end hairdresser while at Office M he had looked like a poster boy for a used mop shop. “I find it too coincidental that we’ve run into each other at the metro.”
“There are no coincidences when it comes to Office M.” Timmy said and lifted a squinting gaze towards the sun. “Masha sent me to check up on you and—”
“I am so glad that Office M provides follow up consultations.” It was Hugh’s time to play the interruption game. “Both of you vanished the last time I was there.”
Timmy’s gaze left the sun and descended onto Hugh. His eyes burned with flames of annoyance that had been kindled by Hugh’s attempt at friendly banter.
“Mr. Mechta, I am in no mood for games or jokes, nor do I have the time to expend on them. I have had, and will continue to have, a very busy day. So, please refrain from any extraneous comments.”
“I apologize.” Hugh said and quickly moved to change the topic. “You were mentioning Masha.”
“Yes. Masha.” Timmy said the mystic’s name with a hint of awe. The edge in his voice blunted and the flame in his eyes extinguished. “As I was saying, Masha sent me to check up on you and see how your luck with the spade and the girl are going.”
“Masha knows about the spade and the girl?” Hugh blurted out. “I had spoken to Masha before I met the girl and offered her the spade. How does she know about that?”
“Mr. Mectha, do you really need me to answer that question for you?” Timmy sighed and pushed his enormous glasses up the bridge of his nose with a forefinger. “Let me pose to you a question, what is Masha’s profession?”
“She is a mystic.” Hugh answered after a moment of hesitation, seeing that he had walked into an obvious trap.
“Exactly, Mr. Mechta.” Timmy’s face became a smug representation of a bureaucrat satisfied with finding and resolving a discrepancy between two files.
“Hold on one second,” Hugh hurried to retort, “if she is a mystic, and knows all my business, then why does she need to you touch base with me?”
“Mr. Mechta, she has many clients to keep track of.” Timmy replied. “She does not have the time, nor the resources, to monitor every time you brush your teeth or check your emails. That is why I am here. So, I'll ask you again – how are things going with the spade and the girl?”
“I have the spade in my bag. I'll give it to the girl when I next see her.” Hugh answered, impressed by Timmy's assertiveness, especially comparted to their last encounter, and the quasi-return to his lumberjack form. “Unfortunately, I haven't seen her for a few days.”
Timmy extended an arm out and beckoned with all fingers. “Show me the spade, if you will.”
Hugh slung off his bag and speedily rummaged through it, unconcerned about wrinkling his work files and notes. He found the spade and offered it to Timmy.
“This is exquisite.” Timmy said and took the spade.
Timmy held the handle to his ear, gave it a few flicks with his nail, and listened to the vibration from within. Satisfied with this, he next lifted the spade to the sun and examined how the backside reflected light and how shadows contrasted against the inner curves of the blade.
“If I am correct, this spade belonged to your grandmother.” Timmy said. “This is an appropriate gift with an appropriate sentiment attached.”
Hugh swallowed the question asking how Timmy knew about his grandmother. Hugh hoped that Masha hadn't told Timmy any of his embarrassing secrets or moments in life.
“Mr. Mechta, I can see that all is well.” Timmy flipped the spade in his hand and offered it back to Hugh with a show of reverence, as if he were holding an artifact from the Office M display case. “I'll be sure to inform of that Masha when I return to the office. With that said, I recommend that you go march back to your fortress. I believe she is waiting for you.”
“The girl?” Hugh bobbled the spade and chucked it into his bag after getting a firm hold of it. “Why in the world would the girl be waiting for me? For this silly old spade?”
“See you soon, Mr. Mechta.” Timmy said in a manner of fact way, brushing off Hugh's question. “It is always a pleasure chatting with you.”
Hugh was about to protest and push for more information, but Timmy had already taken his leave – into the oncoming people leaving the metro. Hugh turned and watched as each person staring down at their phones, chatting with their friends, or just looking up at the buildings, sidestepped Timmy without even registering his presence. It was as if some unseen force enveloped Timmy and gently guided the crowd around and away from his path to exit doors.
The range of this force apparently had a limit because as quickly as the sea of people parted for Timmy, it formed back together and came crashing down on Hugh. They pushed and knocked into him while throwing dirty looks and mumbling even dirtier words. It was as if each person coming out of the metro had the sole goal of entertaining themselves by bumping into Hugh and making unsavory comments about his mother.
Hugh managed to turn himself around and join the forward momentum of the crowd. Even as he walked alongside them, some were still keen on persisting with their passive aggressive shoulder shoves.
Not to be left out of this game of human bumper carts, Hugh retaliated in kind and grinned believing that Masha was getting a laugh out of this.
Like many times before, Hugh entered the fortress.
Passing through the archway, Hugh observed the playground. Many more children than usual were playing, and their parents lined the parameter of the playground, keeping one eye on their children and another laser focused on their smartphones in hand. He saw a wide range of ages. Some were infants, others were just pushing four, a handful were preteens, and even a group of teenagers were hanging out on a bench. In this painting of different generations inhabiting shared space, the black-haired girl was not among them.
He considered it odd that she wasn't there, laughing and running with other children around through the sandbox, past the swings, down the slides, and up and along the miniature rope course.
Why wasn't she there playing made up games with the others and taking brief imperceptible pauses to steal glances at her parents to catch the admiration and love in their eyes?
Hugh walked on, trying to recall a memory of himself on a playground, riding the seesaw, and shooting down a slide. All he managed to retrieve from the database of his long-term memory was being too overweight to swing himself from rung to rung on the monkey bars, and the accompanying envy that he had felt when seeing other children who could do it with ease. The other children also had their parents around to encourage them when they slipped off the bars, but all Hugh had were the jeers of his peers and the blank stares from their parents.
Masha had advised him to let go of the past and Hugh knew that he needed to head her words. Pushing away those monkey bar memories before they could infect him with self-pity, the flowerbed came into view.
Just as Timmy had foretold, the black-haired girl was there and was engrossed in the business of digging holes.
Turning onto the path that led to the flowerbed, Hugh saw that she was no longer clawing the soil with her nails, nor poking with a stick. She had elevated her digging to a more sophisticated plane of manual labor. The black-haired girl had entered the age of metal, having replaced her wooden stick with a long and wide metallic spoon.
Hugh came to the bricks lining the flowerbed, but she didn't stop to greet him. She was too absorbed in digging with her advanced form of technology.
“Hey, how's the digging going?” Hugh asked.
The black-haired girl drove her spoon into the soil, like a conqueror claiming new land, and left it there. She regarded Hugh with bared teeth, flared nostrils, and furrowed brows that narrowed her eyes into violent slits. With her short black hair framing her face, she gave the appearance of an otherworldly demon ready to strike.
“Where in the heck did you go the other day!? I was waiting here, and you never returned!” She was all hellfire, and it was evident from how she roared that this inferno had been burning for some time. “Some elderly couple even offered a drinking straw to help me dig. A drinking straw! How could anyone believe they could dig with a drinking straw? Still, they offered up something quicker and more tangible than you, without even making the promise to do so!” The black-haired girl's pale cheeks flushed red with anger and Hugh anticipated that she would peg him between the eyes with her spoon.
Hugh said nothing, ashamed that he had disappointed the girl.
He wanted to muster up an excuse for his tardiness, but he couldn't bear to tell her that it was due to a pair of talking dogs. Unable to articulate himself, he did what he thought to be the next best thing.
He unslung his backpack, shifted it onto his chest, and plunged his hand deep inside. He rummaged around the bag, fingers risking nicks and papercuts from all his work documents but was unable to locate the spade.
Hugh panicked and doubted whether Timmy had given the spade back to him.
The girl rested her hands on her lap and observed Hugh as he dove his arm shoulder deep into the bag. The raging red in her cheeks gave way to their usual pale, and her pinched lips suppressing a smile told Hugh that she was getting amusement out of him looking like an incompetent magician failing to pull an uncooperative rabbit out of a hat.
Frustration and worry were overcoming Hugh, fearing that he had been too ignorant to put the spade back in the bag when he had been speaking to Timmy, so he evoked the final solution for when one faces a lost phone, key or knickknack in a bag.
He flipped the bag over and dumped all its contents to the ground.
Work papers and files, pencils, crumpled up café checks, unused plastic utensils, a pin depicting a smiling spaniel in front of a sunset that Hugh didn’t even know he owned, charging wires and other loose items that he had forgotten even existed, came tumbling out of the bag in a freefall mess.
But, the spade was not among the mess.
Desperate to hear metal bouncing and scraping against concrete, Hugh shook the bag like a house cleaner waving and whipping a dirty and shoe trodden rug over the balcony. Just as Hugh thought his hands were going to dislocate from his wrists, he heard what he had longed for and then some.
“Wow…” The black-haired girl whispered after the spade skidded and skipped across the cement into arm’s reach.
Kicking up soil, she scrambled over to the spade, snatched it up and held it to the sun.
In the same manner that Timmy had, she held it by the handle and slowly rotated it. She examined the edges and how the sunrays reflected off the faded metal.
“This is exquisite.” She said, copying not only Timmy’s words from not too long ago, but also his pronunciation and intonation.
“It was my grandmother’s.” Hugh said and kept to himself how Timmy’s and the girl’s admiration for the spade baffled him. To Hugh, it was just an old spade that his grandmother had used. “Seeing that you enjoy working in the flowerbed, and are in need of the correct tool for the job, I think she would be happy for you to have it.”
The black-haired girl’s eyes grew wider than sunflowers.
“I can really have her spade?” The girl asked full of disbelief.
“Of course, you can have it.” Hugh said and scratched his head, still confused by the awe with which the girl was showing to the spade. “I don’t think I’ve touched it once in my life until this week. You’ll make better use out of it than I.”
“That’s… That’s so nice of you.” The black-haired girl said. She gripped the handle with both hands and pressed the spade’s flat surface to her chest. To Hugh she appeared to be afraid that he would go back on his words and steal it away from her. “I’m sorry I was mean to you before, about you not returning. I could’ve waited a bit longer for you to return.”
“All’s well that ends well.” Hugh said, touched by her apology. Not many people apologize anymore, nor mean it when they do. “I’m here. You’re here. And you finally got the spade. So, what’s next?”
She burst out laughing, humor returning to her.
“What’s next you ask? What do you think is next when one has a spade in hand?” She extended her arm upwards and pointed the spade to the sky, looking like the true incarnation of the soil knight. “We dig!”
She scuttled back to her previous spot in the flowerbed and stabbed the spade into the soil. She proceeded to make her holes, thrusting, lifting, and placing soil. The spade became an extension of her hand as she fell into an efficient and mechanical rhythm of soil removal. Hugh stood there and watched, seeing a shine of innocent happiness across the girl’s face.
Hugh stood there for a few minutes more, admiring her dedication to digging, when she slowly came to a stop and looked up at him. The joy in her face had not waned but had become mixed with concern.
She placed the spade upon her lap, not minding the soil on her clothes.
“I’m sorry. I just got so wrapped up in the spade, and with digging, that I ignored you.” She looked around at the holes that she had made. “Would you like to help me dig? There are plenty of more holes to make.”
“Sure, why not?” Hugh crossed into the flowerbed and sat down next to the girl.
“Wait one second!” The girl pipped up. “Aren’t you afraid to get your clothes dirty?”
“They’re just clothes, no worries at all.” Hugh gave a dismissive shrug. He wasn’t going to bring up that he had already been in flowerbed. “If they get dirty then I’ll wash them. But, what should I dig with? My hands?”
“While not the best digging tool,” the black-haired girl tossed the spoon to Hugh, “it gets the job done.”
Hugh started to dig, and similar to his first time in the flowerbed, he fell into a trance.
His shoveling hand moved independently of thought as it worked overtime to scoop and carve out holes with the impractically long spoon that was ill suited to digging. While the black-haired girl could form a hole with a single scoop or two, Hugh required five or more scoops to dig his own. Not only was the spoon’s head much smaller than the spade’s blade, but the head’s curvature caused a fraction of the soil that Hugh drew from the ground to sprinkle back into the hole. Instead of deterring and frustrating Hugh, these spoon-based limitations narrowed his focus and concentration.
“Hey, snap out of it.” The girl roused him with a playful, but sharp, poke from the shade. “I see that you’re keen on digging, but it’s time for something grander!” She tossed a small packet to him. “Now, get to planting!”
Hugh opened the packet that contained a copious number of seeds. “So, how many should I plant?”
“All of them!” The girl shouted with glee and tore open a packet of her own.
They filled each hole with seeds and buried each seed with soil. Feeling like a bird scanning a landscape littered with foothills, Hugh looked down at the myriad of mounds that would one day germinate life. He had never done any sort of planting before in his life, having only seen his grandmother toiling away in her own garden. Hugh didn’t know which types of plants these seeds would produce, nor when, but the act of planting made him feel closer to her through the satisfaction that he imagined that she had felt while gardening.
The girl jabbed the spade into the ground, craned her neck to the sky and let out an exaggerated yawn.
“Oh boy! I’m feeling exhausted after that.” She said and looked over at Hugh. “Are you hungry at all? I have some snacks in my bag that I could share”
Hugh peered over at her bag. It was one of those overly tiny bags that barely spanned two hand widths.
“I haven’t eaten since this morning,” Hugh said, indeed quite hungry, “but I doubt that you have enough snacks in that bag for the two of us.”
The girl grabbed her bag and dropped it onto the soil in front of her.
“Neither of us will starve today,” she said, “I got enough for the both of us.”
With that said she unclasped the bag and retrieved the contents within. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said that she had enough for both of them. She had enough to feed all the people sitting on the benches, the dozen or so finches hopping around at their feet, and the pigeons plodding around in circles.
Out of the bag came two bottles of water, two apples, two packets of cashews, two halves of a sandwich in their own air sealed containers, and two sets of cookies wrapped in cellophane paper. Hugh looked on in amazement at how she was able to unpack all that food from her tiny, seemingly useless, novelty bag.
There must have been some curse on that bag, where it would swallow her whole if she didn’t fill its bottomless belly.
“Can you tell me, how in the world were you able to pack all that stuff into such a tiny bag?” Hugh asked and accepted his share of water, apples, nuts, cookies, and sandwich halves. “And why do you have so much food in the first place?”
“What do you mean?” The girl gave him a confused look and popped off the sandwich container’s lid.
“Well, your bag is awfully small. Too small indeed for all that food,” Hugh said, struggling to open his sandwich container, “and if I had to make a guess, you wouldn’t be able to eat all that food on your own. I know that I couldn’t.”
“You are quite the pessimist, aren’t you? Just because the task seems difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible.” She took the container away from Hugh and swiftly popped it open with her thumbs. She handed the container back to Hugh and dove into her sandwich. “I wanted to pack the bag, and so I did it. As for the food, my pessimistic friend… I packed so much, well, because…” She trailed off and averted her eyes to the sandwich half in her hands that was now a sandwich eighth after a single one of her bites. “Um, it’s hard to say, honestly. I had a feeling we would meet again, that you would bring the spade. That you wouldn’t….” She trailed off again, eyes looking down to nowhere in particular.
“That I wouldn’t what?” Hugh asked.
“That you would disappoint me.” The black-haired finished off her sandwich, palmed an apple and chomped on it vigorously.
It was Hugh’s turn to wear a confused expression. “Why would I disappoint you?”
“Look. I said enough.” The girl aimed for a strict tone, but her mouthful of apple and accompanying munching worked against her. “If you want to keep your food then I recommend you drop the issue.”
“Honestly, I don't want to give up these cookies.” Hugh replied.
The black-haired dropped the apple core into the plastic container and unknotted the bag of cashews.
“Not a single word more and you can keep the cookies.” The black-haired girl said. “Deal?”
He didn't want to test his luck by responding with a ‘yes,’ because caution told him that she would have taken his verbal agreement as a breach of her conditions and thus grounds for confiscating his cookies.
To retain his bounty of food, Hugh pledged himself to their deal with a simple nod.
The black-haired girl chuckled and quickly covered her mouth with both hands. Hugh's dedication to cookies amused her and she didn't want to shatter the serious atmosphere with her laughs. The very act of trying to calm herself only incited even more laughter to the point where she could no longer contain it. Her hands fell to her sides and she permitted her laughter to ring out loudly and freely.
Hugh didn't ask her what she had found so funny, not because he was suspicious that she would seize his cookies if he uttered a word, but because her joy and laugher had infected him. He joined her and allowed himself to let out his own joy and share in the moment's positive emotion.
They both calmed down, wiping stray tears from their eyes. A sudden giggle would pip up and deep breaths would quiet them down. They returned to their food and ate in silence, their spirits lifted by their shared laughter.
Time moved on and it soon came time to go.
They tidied up the apple cores, rolled up the small bags now absent of peanuts, brushed away breadcrumbs, balled up the cellophane wrappers, and sealed all of it away inside the plastic containers. Despite having less items to return to her bag, Hugh was still astonished how it even possessed enough space for the two containers.
He was convinced that the bag was cursed and that he needed to mention it to Masha the next time their paths crossed.
“It's time head home.” The black-haired girl said and slung her bag onto her back. “I have a lot of cleaning to do, and it won't do it itself. You know, you put it off and then bam, there are piles of dishes and a dust everywhere.”
“I'm going home as well,” Hugh said after an imperceptible pause to consider what the black-haired girl had just said. She had spoken as if she were the homeowner, living alone, and not a young girl of about eleven living with her parents. “I have some work to do and, you know, it won't do it itself.”